Tag Archives: self-awareness

Love More Open

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A part of my healing journey
has been to loosen up a little
on some of my routines.
I have been accused of being rigid,
too attached to my routines,
and each time I felt the urge
to defend my practices
if not out loud,
then inwardly, to myself.
As I began to peer inside a little more,
I could see how my routines were sometimes fillers,
excuses not to be completely present,
because I could check out
as I attended to them…
and so this need to defend my practices
came from anxiety that they might not be serving me,
and the pain of feeling like my time spent doing them
was a complete waste.
Then again…
Is there such a thing?
Could it be that my practices served me then,
but I eventually outgrew them,
and now they no longer serve me
the way they did before?
Could I drop the shame around change?
Don’t we learn by making mistakes?
Can’t I ease up about being perfect, being right,
and instead, can I welcome this moment
with my heart that yearns to love more open?

Little By Little

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Its voice speaks all throughout the day:
No, don’t do that, don’t put that there,
that isn’t right, can’t you do better than that?
C’mon, you know better, oh no!

I’ts very exhausting.
I really am doing my best.
I really am tired so frequently,
just wanting to take the time and space
to rest and engage in conscious self-care.
I’d like to shake this voice off, somehow,
but it’s inside me,
intimately acquainted with my deepest fears,
of which it reminds me nearly constantly.
Or else it attempts to distract me from my fears,
by reminding me how inadequate I am,
and so what’s the point of trying to shift
into a conscious, spacious paradigm—
I’ll mess this one up too, it tells me.
Little by little I’m becoming aware
of the powerful, deep current of thinking
that influences all of my interactions,
All of my insights.
Little by little I’m realizing
I can choose what I take in,
and what I give out.
Little by little I’m gaining the strength
to discern which voice to listen to,
and the will to stay open
even when it’s difficult.
Little by litte, I’m understanding
that this moment is enough,
just as it is.

In Between

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My body awoke this morning,
but my soul remained somewhere
in the dream realm.
Now I feel lost, listless, disembodied,
disoriented,
caught in this in between place.
It is a beautiful day,
so much to appreciate,
but this feeling of being lost
follows me everywhere I go.
I pray for strength to allow these feelings
to move through me,
knowing that no feeling lasts forever.

NaPoWriMo 2020 Day 27

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I took a supplement that made me sick,
REALLY sick for eight hours.
And this is why I’m writing this poem from my bed,
Hoping, praying, I’ll get some rest tonight.
I remembered deep in my suffering how I am not alone in this;
Many beings suffer as I do, in this very moment.
May all beings everywhere find relief from illness and suffering.
May all beings experience their heart’s true joy.
May all beings awaken endless compassion.
May we all lift one another up during this time.

A Nice Ring

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The ground is shifting constantly,
never the same,
so how can I build anything right now?
Maybe it’s time to let things fall apart,
and see what’s left
after the winds of change blow through.
I’d like to have some kind of plan,
a goal, a vision,
something that helps me feel like there’s a future
and I have some control over the outcome…
But this is a war humans have been fighting
since they knew they could fight
and where has it gotten us?
Maybe I’m better off simply breathing
and allowing myself to be right here, right now.
Breathing and being.
Yeah. That has a nice ring to it.

Make It Through This

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Don’t worry about getting it right
because you can’t get it wrong…
Just make it through this.
You don’t have to try to be good,
because you can’t be bad,
you are a human being…
Just make it through this.
Throw out all goals except this one:
To breathe slowly and deeply
as many times as I can remember,
through all the days of my life.
The outcome is assured.
Relax. Breathe.
You’ll make it through this.

Honesty

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C’mon, admit it to me—

You weren’t in love with the routine anyway!

You ritualistically grumbled

At the dawn of each new day

And resented the tasks asked of you.

C’mon, be honest, admit it—

You didn’t have much to lose!

Only your attachment to control,

Your belief in an uncaring universe,

Your inability to recognize how blessed you were.

Let’s be frank with one another.

This whole global pandemic is a gift!

It’s an opportunity to slow down and see

The lies you were telling to you

The lies I was telling to me.

Seriously.

Listen closely to me.

THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY.

An opportunity to be free.

To slow down and see what really matters to you.

What really matters to me.

Slow down, beloved. Breathe.

It’s all good, you see?

Ride That Wave

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Anybody else go through these periods of time
where you procrastinate your butt off
and then get so disgusted with yourself for procrastinating
that you finally bust a bunch of things out all at once?
Yeah…
Maybe someday I’ll get better at parsing things out
and doing things bit by bit like a reasonable person.
But for now, when the wave of getting things done shows up,
I’m going to ride that wave as long as I can!

Get Crackin’

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Knowing that we will all eventually
be met with the same unavoidable end,
I’d like to live in such a way
that if the end came suddenly
then I could go in peace,
feeling complete with what I have done,
how I have given and received love.
Being honest with myself,
I can see I have a long way to go
before such peace is attained.
Looks like I better get crackin’.