Who waits patiently
for you to finally wake up
that you were the one
you were searching for all along?
Who reminds you to breathe, when,
in the midst of daily effort
you’ve taken on some old struggle
that isn’t yours to endure?
Who waits for you
through all the years of your life
and at the end of it all
stands with open arms
to welcome you back home?
Your True Self,
The only reality,
The consciousness that pervades all…
What I judge in you
is something unowned in me,
stepping forward to be loved and seen.
Sometimes awakening can be heavy
as we struggle for air,
suffocating under burdens
that were never ours to carry
but which we’ve held on to for so long
we think they are us.
Set down the burdens of the past, my friend,
the ways you try to prove that you’re right,
the ways you attempt to defend your position
and end up alienating the world…
The world doesn’t need us to be right.
The world doesn’t need us to be better.
The world just needs us to be…
I start praying,
then ask myself
Who am I bargaining with?
Certainly not some sky wizard,
God is within.
God is the peace and the presence
we feel inside
when we get still and breathe
and really feel and know that
ALL IS WELL.
What would happen
if I just let go?
What would happen
if I set down the illusion of control,
and I just let myself be held?
I’ve been praying for guidance,
yearning to yield gracefully
to the flow of life in and through me.
But how does one actually let go?
I can grasp the idea,
but holding a thought
is different from the actual experience
of surrender in my body, heart, mind, spirit self…
I’ll keep breathing and praying,
hoping that eventually I learn
how to simply be…
Eight years of pausing,
sitting still, closing my eyes
and going within.
I remember well the day
eight years ago, when,
pregnant, feeling sick,
overwhelmed by my responsibilities
as wife and mother,
I called out to the void
I’m going crazy! I’m losing it!
Help me! What should I do?
And the Voice said
You must meditate.
And I thought,
I had a regular practice
before I met my husband,
but (and maybe you can relate)
self-care always fell to the bottom of the list
when I was in a relationship with someone else.
The Voice said
and I remembered that this was an option,
and I sat.
I started small, just five minutes a session,
but I quickly worked my way up
to thirty minutes a day.
Eight years and I haven’t missed a day.
Eight years…I have shown up for myself.
My ex said
You meditate too much
when he gave me the list of reasons
he was leaving our marriage.
That was two years ago,
and he’s gone now,
but I’m still meditating.
Eight years I’ve said to myself
I matter. This matters.
I’m going to keep showing up.
And I will, for eight more years,
and eight more and eight more after that.
I’ll show up every single day,
rain or shine,
in sickness or in health,
for richer or for poorer,
until death closes my body’s eyes
and opens the eyes of my soul.
Then, there will be no surprises,
because in meditation I have seen it all.
In this spacious present
I can relax, breathe,
recognize that everything is ok.
Why has so much of my time been spent
being educated away from what is here?
Can I unlearn enough
to have the space in my mind
to be truly present?
What would I do with such clarity,
such immense and immediate expansion?
Knowing that I could never shrink back
to what I was before,
is it safe to leave behind what is familiar
and face the adventure before me?
The build up was so intense
for so long.
I thought it was going to be such a big deal.
And when the moment finally came,
I was like, “Meh.”
What was all the fuss about?