Tag Archives: self-love

Relaxes and Sighs

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My posts have been spotty of late,
and my critical mind wants to lament
and wail about my lack of discipline.
Then the practical adult in me recounts
what I’ve been doing with my days and nights
and counters the critic with
Now just where do you think we’d find the time
to write when we’re not even getting enough time to sleep?

The critic then makes it a bad thing
to change my routine, to have a different schedule.
It’s addicted to feelings of shame, anxiety, and unworthiness.
It’s saying I need to go back to the way things were.
But things aren’t the way they were.
Not even a little.
Things have changed.
I am glad about that.
I am a part of all things,
even though my ego would tell me I am separate.
I have changed too.
I am glad about that.
I don’t need to feel guilty for changing,
for adopting a different routine,
for using my time in different ways.
Therefore, I am glad to write when I can,
and not a minute before.
(Takes a deep breath and lies down on the floor,
looks out the window at a puffy, white cloud floating
in the blue sky, relaxes and sighs.)

Your Voice

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This feeling keeps happening,
and so I’ll just keep on asking,
When will I go through an entire day
and feel like I am enough, really enough?

I know that I am the heroine of my own story,
and it is my choice—I can write a really good one,
but when will my mind be free of the stories of others?
I want to stop hearing the voices of any souls
who were operating under the mistaken assumption
that I am broken and need fixing.
Why are their voices the loudest?
Great Spirit of Love and Life and Beauty,
Let me hear Your voice, only Your Voice.

A Reminder of What Is To Come

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This is just a friendly reminder
that you’re doing great, so keep going!
In case you forgot, I’m here to remind you,
that some days just breathing is enough,
and it’s okay to be human and make mistakes
and not know when this will ever end
or what the new normal will look like.
Just wanted to remind you that
no relationship is ever wasted,
because you learn something about yourself
in every single one,
and whether you’re alone or with a partner
or in between or looking or branching out
you’re exactly where you need to be
to learn what you need to learn
before you’ve outgrown that experience
and it’s once again time to move on.
Knowing that the one constant in the universe is change,
let us take a deep breath together, and open our arms to what is to come.

Thoughts On My Mid-Pandemic Birthday

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Today I turn 43;
This body has made
43 trips around the sun,
and it seems significant
that I find myself alone
to send up rockets of appreciation
from my square foot of earth
to celebrate the occasion of my birth.
I like myself.
I like the company I keep
in the quiet moments
when there is no one else
to break the silence,
when I have the space to listen to
the deep music of what continues
without human effort,
what remains,
what hums
when we finally slow down
and accept that
enough is enough.

I Wonder

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What if I could experience myself as good enough?
What if I could see my life as good enough?
What if I saw myself as a good enough mom?
What if I really believed I was a good enough teacher,
daughter, neighbor, artist, sister, musician, cousin, friend?
If I stopped telling the story that there is something wrong with me
and started telling a new one called
I AM ENOUGH
What would happen then?
I wonder…

Auto Valentine

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Dear Lorien,

I love you, forever and always.
I promise to take care of you
and never, ever leave you.
I promise to support you any way I can.
I promise to celebrate you and all your successes.
I am so proud of who you’ve become!
I love spending time with you!
You are such an amazing person;
I’m so inspired by you, your openness,
vulnerability, willingness to dig deep
and allow your authentic self to speak.
Let me know how I can love you better.
I am here totally and completely for you.

Love,

Lorien

Gratitude, Day 29 of 48: Self-forgiveness

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When he left I tried to forgive him.
I wanted to forgive him and I wanted to forgive the other woman.
But as much as I tried, it wasn’t working.
I was still angry, lonely, grieving.
I was still terrified, feeling betrayed, victimized.
Then I realized I didn’t need to work on forgiving them,
I needed to work on forgiving myself.
I am training myself to understand
that I’m worthy of love even if I’m not perfect.
I’m working on forgiving myself
for tolerating the way I was treated in my marriage.
I’m working on forgiving myself for being human.
With the focus back on me I can actually feel
my body/spirit/mind/heart/self as it heals.
I’m finally getting to know the woman I am,
and I’m discovering that I love her.

Gratitude: Day 19 of 48

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Because…self-love…

I’ve been sleeping alone since June of 2017
when my children’s father decided he was done with our marriage.
At first I felt as though I was falling through endless space,
or better yet,
I was a boat lost at sea in a storm with no safe harbor,
tossed around on waves of worthlessness, anxiety for the future,
hopeless and futility.
I survived the storm.
I put my focus on me and my recovery.
I vowed to discover what unconditional self-love is;
I also vowed to become financially independent.
I’m made headway with self-love;
I’m still working on the financial independence,
therefore, I’m still single, and I’M GLAD.
I’m committed to awakening,
to allowing the self within me to emerge
and express herself authentically.
I realize I like being alone and I like the company I keep.
I realized I don’t need a man to be complete.
I am grateful I have this freedom to be me, on my own.

Gratitude: Day 18 of 48

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And doggone it…people like me!

After years of being told I wasn’t good enough

My dietary choices were offensive,

It wasn’t ok to sit and knit when visiting the in-laws,

I didn’t keep the house clean enough,

My meditation practice was selfish—

The old programming has been hard to uproot.

But I am fortunate, because I have been given

Tools and resources to recover.

One of them is positive self-talk.

My current favorite mantra is

I love you and I’m proud of you.

It works wonders. I feel more confident and relaxed,

It no longer feels like a catastrophe when my house isn’t perfectly clean and organized,

And I like myself. I like being me.

I’m ok with being alone.

Try it out. See how it feels.

If it feels fake and forced,

Keep trying. You might discover

That you actually do love yourself.