Love is within.
Don’t fool yourself into thinking
you can find it out in the world—
you’ll be searching your whole life.
But sit. Get still.
Close your eyes.
Sense the presence of love
pulsing within you,
where it has always been,
where it is now,
where it will always be.
Know a love
that cannot be diminished
or taken away,
a love that just is.
With a love like this,
you’re at home
wherever you are,
safe and at peace
inside the tender heart
of the universe.
At home again today,
starting to feel better,
and I have the urge
to throw myself back into all of the things
that made me sick in the first place.
Didn’t I learn the last thousand times?
Could I slow down for one more day
and let my body recuperate?
Who is telling me I need to do all of these things?
Could I let the house become messy
and love myself still?
Could I let my life become messy
and love myself still?
Woke up sick…
I’m wondering how to be well,
even when I feel like this.
I have my kids,
it’s summer vacation.
I would’ve preferred
to be a fun energetic mom,
you don’t always get what you want.
Can I drop the guilt at the increased TV time for them,
so that I can have increased rest time for me?
I guess I’m going to have to.
Guilt won’t make me well.
Only love, acceptance and time will.
Day by day I’m learning how to love
and seeing how it all begins with me.
I thought love was lost when he left;
I turns out I didn’t understand love at all.
Slowly the stirring begins in me anew,
but this time it isn’t for anyone outside of me.
It’s for the one within, the one who has waited
an eternity to be seen and known,
the only one capable of true and lasting love,
the one who can never leave me or hurt me,
the only one who has the stamina
to love me until the very end.
I struggle with the parts of myself
that feel unacceptable—
the anger, the sadness,
the fragility, the meanness—
and I realize I just want relief,
I want to feel better.
Then I realize
it doesn’t have to be a struggle.
Could I accept all these different parts?
Could I listen to them,
learn from them
what they’re here to teach me?
Again, I need patience.
There’s no going back to the old way,
and I cannot see
more than a few steps ahead…
can I just relax into this process
of making my way
one day at a time?
Just keep peeling back the layers.
As much as it hurts,
as scary as it is,
keep peeling back
the rage, fear,
anxiety, and sadness.
you’ll start to see the luminous being
waiting for you underneath all those layers.
you’ll come to realize who you really are
and why you’re really here.
Eventually you’ll understand
that the being you’ve uncovered
is the one you’ve been wanting all along.
Be available to joy.
Make yourself ready for pleasure.
Stay open to possibility.
Search for evidence that you are loved.
Prepare yourself for unimaginable delight.
Trust that this moment is good
and life is beautiful
and you are wanted.
Stand in complete appreciation
of the majesty of existence.
Get ready for endless laughter
and waves of bliss.
You are worth it.