This is just a friendly reminder that you’re doing great, so keep going! In case you forgot, I’m here to remind you, that some days just breathing is enough, and it’s okay to be human and make mistakes and not know when this will ever end or what the new normal will look like. Just wanted to remind you that no relationship is ever wasted, because you learn something about yourself in every single one, and whether you’re alone or with a partner or in between or looking or branching out you’re exactly where you need to be to learn what you need to learn before you’ve outgrown that experience and it’s once again time to move on. Knowing that the one constant in the universe is change, let us take a deep breath together, and open our arms to what is to come.
Today I turn 43; This body has made 43 trips around the sun, and it seems significant that I find myself alone to send up rockets of appreciation from my square foot of earth to celebrate the occasion of my birth. I like myself. I like the company I keep in the quiet moments when there is no one else to break the silence, when I have the space to listen to the deep music of what continues without human effort, what remains, what hums when we finally slow down and accept that enough is enough.
What if I could experience myself as good enough? What if I could see my life as good enough? What if I saw myself as a good enough mom? What if I really believed I was a good enough teacher, daughter, neighbor, artist, sister, musician, cousin, friend? If I stopped telling the story that there is something wrong with me and started telling a new one called I AM ENOUGH What would happen then? I wonder…
I love you, forever and always. I promise to take care of you and never, ever leave you. I promise to support you any way I can. I promise to celebrate you and all your successes. I am so proud of who you’ve become! I love spending time with you! You are such an amazing person; I’m so inspired by you, your openness, vulnerability, willingness to dig deep and allow your authentic self to speak. Let me know how I can love you better. I am here totally and completely for you.
When he left I tried to forgive him. I wanted to forgive him and I wanted to forgive the other woman. But as much as I tried, it wasn’t working. I was still angry, lonely, grieving. I was still terrified, feeling betrayed, victimized. Then I realized I didn’t need to work on forgiving them, I needed to work on forgiving myself. I am training myself to understand that I’m worthy of love even if I’m not perfect. I’m working on forgiving myself for tolerating the way I was treated in my marriage. I’m working on forgiving myself for being human. With the focus back on me I can actually feel my body/spirit/mind/heart/self as it heals. I’m finally getting to know the woman I am, and I’m discovering that I love her.
I’ve been sleeping alone since June of 2017 when my children’s father decided he was done with our marriage. At first I felt as though I was falling through endless space, or better yet, I was a boat lost at sea in a storm with no safe harbor, tossed around on waves of worthlessness, anxiety for the future, hopeless and futility. I survived the storm. I put my focus on me and my recovery. I vowed to discover what unconditional self-love is; I also vowed to become financially independent. I’m made headway with self-love; I’m still working on the financial independence, therefore, I’m still single, and I’M GLAD. I’m committed to awakening, to allowing the self within me to emerge and express herself authentically. I realize I like being alone and I like the company I keep. I realized I don’t need a man to be complete. I am grateful I have this freedom to be me, on my own.