Learning to trust the Self…
not the little ego self
that’s always wanting and grasping
and never satisfied,
but the Divine Self,
the deeper, more expansive Self,
the One who moves with the currents of Nature
and who listens and waits
underneath the noise and turbulence
of our contrived human sorrow.
The One who waits for us to wake up,
and pause, and breathe
and see how beautiful peace is—
this is the One I practice to know,
this is the One I show up for every morning,
this is the One I am when I become still
and close my eyes, and journey inwards…
This is the One I am learning to trust.
Slow down. Breathe.
Look around. Feel.
Listen. Taste. Sense.
This present moment is alive in you, as you.
If you want happiness, fulfillment, peace,
you need to look for those things where they are.
Everything is here, now, in the present moment.
Make yourself available to it.
It occurred to me
that if I want more joy in my life
I need to choose to enjoy each moment.
Life is made up
of everyday, simple moments,
repetitive tasks, things that need to get done.
If I’m rolling my eyes and groaning
every time I need to tidy up,
go grocery shopping,
do the laundry,
pick up after my kids,
I’d be constantly miserable.
But if I could cultivate a mindset
of gratitude and joy
for each of these simple moments,
day by day and breath by breath,
they would all add up to a joyful life.
I don’t need to defer my happiness
for someday, for one day,
for whenever this or that comes to pass.
Happiness is now,
where it always was,
where it always will be—
right here in the present moment.
If you’re wondering how long it will take,
how it will happen,
when you’ll feel strong enough,
This isn’t a fill in the blank test.
This is your life.
There are no proper answers.
There is only you, opening as awareness
to what is alive in this moment.
Can you soften and relax
into the possibility
that you were led precisely here
because there was something
you could learn
from this living, breathing moment?
Love this moment.
This moment is your life.
I can relax.
The struggle is over.
I can breathe.
I am safe.
I can step forward.
I am powerful.
I can realize this was always true.
Eight years of pausing,
sitting still, closing my eyes
and going within.
I remember well the day
eight years ago, when,
pregnant, feeling sick,
overwhelmed by my responsibilities
as wife and mother,
I called out to the void
I’m going crazy! I’m losing it!
Help me! What should I do?
And the Voice said
You must meditate.
And I thought,
I had a regular practice
before I met my husband,
but (and maybe you can relate)
self-care always fell to the bottom of the list
when I was in a relationship with someone else.
The Voice said
and I remembered that this was an option,
and I sat.
I started small, just five minutes a session,
but I quickly worked my way up
to thirty minutes a day.
Eight years and I haven’t missed a day.
Eight years…I have shown up for myself.
My ex said
You meditate too much
when he gave me the list of reasons
he was leaving our marriage.
That was two years ago,
and he’s gone now,
but I’m still meditating.
Eight years I’ve said to myself
I matter. This matters.
I’m going to keep showing up.
And I will, for eight more years,
and eight more and eight more after that.
I’ll show up every single day,
rain or shine,
in sickness or in health,
for richer or for poorer,
until death closes my body’s eyes
and opens the eyes of my soul.
Then, there will be no surprises,
because in meditation I have seen it all.