Don’t worry about getting it right because you can’t get it wrong… Just make it through this. You don’t have to try to be good, because you can’t be bad, you are a human being… Just make it through this. Throw out all goals except this one: To breathe slowly and deeply as many times as I can remember, through all the days of my life. The outcome is assured. Relax. Breathe. You’ll make it through this.
This afternoon I was sitting in my kitchen window seat soaking in the warm sun, looking up at the blue sky, smiling, feeling peaceful. And then it struck me that my life is unique, and it is all mine, and I wouldn’t trade my humble, simple life for anyone else’s life, no matter how fancy or exciting. That was a satisfying moment.
When the tethers of the predefined rendition of everyday, 3-D existence are momentarily loosened and my vision is freed, I can see that the ordinary everyday consciousness that we have leaves out more than it takes in.* And my prayer is: Reveal to me the truth that I may embody for the highest good of all beings. And I remember breathing is enough. So I breathe and my consciousness returns to the place I love to be, the reason I practice… the vast universe within.
There is so much wisdom in surrender, knowing that I don’t know, opening to guidance, keeping the faith that there’s a reason, relaxing deeper into trust. When I could finally let go of the life I thought I had, the life I felt entitled to, I finally had the space to welcome my real life, as it is, right now. Then the real healing could begin. I had to let go of my marriage and I had to let go of my anger toward my children’s father for abandoning the marriage. I had to let go of control (I had none to begin with). When everything fell apart and there was nowhere to go but through, I learned to get clear and sober and fill my mind with prayer. I learned to turn everything over to a power greater than myself. I turned over my thoughts, words and actions, my hopes, dreams and fears, my beliefs, perceptions, my ideas of success and failure. Somehow, grace pulled me through the darkest nights of my soul; somehow I survived the changes that took time… I am grateful for prayers, sacred words spoken that bolster my courage and soothe my bodymind. I am grateful that my whole life has become a prayer.
When we aren’t trying to get somewhere else or do something else or be someone else or feel something else We might just pause long enough to realize that where we are and who we are is actually pretty great.
What I judge in you is something unowned in me, stepping forward to be loved and seen. Sometimes awakening can be heavy as we struggle for air, suffocating under burdens that were never ours to carry but which we’ve held on to for so long we think they are us. Set down the burdens of the past, my friend, the ways you try to prove that you’re right, the ways you attempt to defend your position and end up alienating the world… The world doesn’t need us to be right. The world doesn’t need us to be better. The world just needs us to be…
Learning to trust the Self… not the little ego self that’s always wanting and grasping and never satisfied, but the Divine Self, the deeper, more expansive Self, the One who moves with the currents of Nature and who listens and waits underneath the noise and turbulence of our contrived human sorrow. The One who waits for us to wake up, and pause, and breathe and see how beautiful peace is— this is the One I practice to know, this is the One I show up for every morning, this is the One I am when I become still and close my eyes, and journey inwards… This is the One I am learning to trust.