Tag Archives: self-realization

Right Here in the Present

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It occurred to me
that if I want more joy in my life
I need to choose to enjoy each moment.
Life is made up
of everyday, simple moments,
repetitive tasks, things that need to get done.
If I’m rolling my eyes and groaning
every time I need to tidy up,
go grocery shopping,
do the laundry,
pick up after my kids,
I’d be constantly miserable.
But if I could cultivate a mindset
of gratitude and joy
for each of these simple moments,
day by day and breath by breath,
they would all add up to a joyful life.
I don’t need to defer my happiness
for someday, for one day,
for whenever this or that comes to pass.
Happiness is now,
where it always was,
where it always will be—
right here in the present moment.

If You’re Wondering

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If you’re wondering how long it will take,
how it will happen,
when you’ll feel strong enough,
healed enough,
ready enough…
stop wondering.
This isn’t a fill in the blank test.
This is your life.
There are no proper answers.
There is only you, opening as awareness
to what is alive in this moment.
Can you soften and relax
into the possibility
that you were led precisely here
because there was something
you could learn
from this living, breathing moment?
Live. Breathe.
Love this moment.
This moment is your life.

Eight Years

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Eight years.
Eight years of pausing,
sitting still, closing my eyes
and going within.
I remember well the day
eight years ago, when,
pregnant, feeling sick,
overwhelmed by my responsibilities
as wife and mother,
I called out to the void
I’m going crazy! I’m losing it!
Help me! What should I do?

And the Voice said
You must meditate.
And I thought,
Of course.
I had a regular practice
before I met my husband,
but (and maybe you can relate)
self-care always fell to the bottom of the list
when I was in a relationship with someone else.
The Voice said
Meditate
and I remembered that this was an option,
and I sat.
I started small, just five minutes a session,
but I quickly worked my way up
to thirty minutes a day.
Eight years and I haven’t missed a day.
Eight years…I have shown up for myself.
My ex said
You meditate too much
when he gave me the list of reasons
he was leaving our marriage.
That was two years ago,
and he’s gone now,
but I’m still meditating.
Eight years I’ve said to myself
I matter. This matters.
I’m going to keep showing up.
And I will, for eight more years,
and eight more and eight more after that.
I’ll show up every single day,
rain or shine,
in sickness or in health,
for richer or for poorer,
until death closes my body’s eyes
and opens the eyes of my soul.
Then, there will be no surprises,
because in meditation I have seen it all.

No Summit

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As goals are reached
new goals must be set
or else we will plateau.
This time last year,
my goal was just to make it through the day.
At the end of each day
noting that I was still alive—
this felt like an accomplishment.
I survived.
As time went on and the months flew by,
my goal was to make it through
the betrayal, the loss,
the pain, the shame, the heartbreak,
the utter devastation of divorce.
The divorce was finalized in January.
I survived.
As time went on and the months flew by,
my goal was to figure out new housing,
to keep my kids in their school,
somehow, someway
to maintain stability for my children.
All of the pieces are falling into place.
I survived.
It looks like the Universe
is conspiring in my favor.
What is my goal now?
More than financial stability,
more than a home,
more than recognition…
I want to know what my
deepest, truest offering is,
and how I can share my gifts with the world
in a more impactful way.
I’m diving deeper in now,
asking for guidance,
asking for the plan to be revealed
so that I can keep trekking up this mountain
that has no summit.

Which Choice To Make

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Sitting in ceremony this weekend,
I realized how very much my mind
still wants this moment to show up differently
and how much suffering
this wanting things to be different
stirs up in my life.
If I could only love and accept this moment as it is,
how would my experience be different?
Could I soften into this beauty?
Could I accept my own wholeness, my completeness?
Could I love this journey I’m on,
and learn to accept that uncertainty
is an integral part of the adventure?
I’m walking on the razor’s edge
between acceptance and resistance,
every moment, between peace and suffering.
I see how much choice I have,
and how much responsibility
to make the choice that will help and heal
instead of hurt and hinder.
As a mother, the choice becomes even more impactful.
My kids are watching me make meaning
out of all of these life experiences.
I’m teaching them every moment
how to love or how to fear this life.
God, please show me how to love.
God, show me how to love this life,
so that by the time my kids are my age,
they’ll know which choice to make.