Tag Archives: self-reliance

By Myself

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Self-reliance.
Without my husband there to help,
getting a Christmas tree
seemed like a daunting task.
I cursed the tradition
as I arrived on the lot,
and inwardly resented
the happy couples tying their trees
on the roofs of their vehicles,
cheerfully chatting, 
working together,
getting it done together.
But I had help too.
Two young men put the tree on the roof,
and I figured out the ratchet straps
to secure the tree (mostly).
Back home I even managed to carry
that seven foot tall
fragrant Frasier fir
inside my house
AND set it on the tree stand,
by myself.
Someday, one day,
I may find a new love
who will delight in accompanying me
on Christmas tree expeditions…
Until then,
can I love the one in me
who was strong enough to get it done
all by myself?

The One I’ve Been Waiting For

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Melancholy.
It’s something about the cold wind
and the way the sun keeps hiding
behind the big, thick clouds
rolling through the sky today.
I’m feeling estranged from everything,
as if I didn’t get the memo
for some meeting
and everyone is there without me
while I’m wondering
where everyone else is
and why I’m not there with them.
Lonely.
Like the opportunity to connect
has disappeared
and I need to resign myself
to this feeling, forever.
Uneasy,
like I know there’s more out there,
but I don’t know where I’m supposed to go
and what I’m supposed to do.
Tired.
Feeling exhausted to my very bones,
knowing I have so much to do,
wondering how I’ll summon the energy
for the rest of this day
when my kids get home.
Longing.
Wanting answers. Wanting comfort.
Wanting understanding,
and knowing I’ll need to give it to myself,
because I am the only one who can
and I’m the only one who does.
It all comes back to this:
When I’m feeling melancholy, estranged,
lonely, uneasy, tired and full of longing,
I am the one I need most.
No one else is here to save me.
It’s up to me now
to be the one I’ve been waiting for.