Tag Archives: serenity

A Nice Ring

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The ground is shifting constantly,
never the same,
so how can I build anything right now?
Maybe it’s time to let things fall apart,
and see what’s left
after the winds of change blow through.
I’d like to have some kind of plan,
a goal, a vision,
something that helps me feel like there’s a future
and I have some control over the outcome…
But this is a war humans have been fighting
since they knew they could fight
and where has it gotten us?
Maybe I’m better off simply breathing
and allowing myself to be right here, right now.
Breathing and being.
Yeah. That has a nice ring to it.

Gratitude Day 38 of 48: Prayer

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There is so much wisdom in surrender,
knowing that I don’t know,
opening to guidance,
keeping the faith that there’s a reason,
relaxing deeper into trust.
When I could finally let go
of the life I thought I had,
the life I felt entitled to,
I finally had the space to welcome
my real life, as it is, right now.
Then the real healing could begin.
I had to let go of my marriage
and I had to let go of my anger
toward my children’s father
for abandoning the marriage.
I had to let go of control
(I had none to begin with).
When everything fell apart
and there was nowhere to go
but through,
I learned to get clear and sober
and fill my mind with prayer.
I learned to turn everything over
to a power greater than myself.
I turned over my thoughts,
words and actions,
my hopes, dreams and fears,
my beliefs, perceptions,
my ideas of success and failure.
Somehow, grace pulled me through
the darkest nights of my soul;
somehow I survived the changes
that took time…
I am grateful for prayers,
sacred words spoken
that bolster my courage
and soothe my bodymind.
I am grateful that my whole life
has become a prayer.

Gratitude: Day 20 of 48

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It works if you work it.

I ended up in a twelve step meeting
a couple of months after my husband decided
he no longer wanted to be married anymore.
I was devastated; having trouble eating and sleeping,
feeling isolated because I had lost a lot of friends
in the separation.
The coach I was working with suggested a meeting,
and found one for me in town.
The first meeting I inwardly criticized the room,
thought it needed to be redecorated.
The second meeting I realized everyone in my life
is codependent.
The third meeting I started to believe that the program
might help me if I worked it.
Two and a half years later,
I know my program has saved my life.
I have found a sponsor and am working the steps
slowly but surely…
getting ready to do a fourth step soon.
When I was ready to give up on life,
this program showed up to demonstrate
that grace is active in my life,
and I am truly grateful.

The Best Lover

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Don’t read this with your mind,
read it with your heart,
because your heart will know that it is true:
There is nothing missing in this moment,
and you are whole and complete as you are.

Don’t listen to your mind respond to what you just read!
You’ve got to hush that thing up, give it a vacation.
Say to your mind,
Yes, dear, I know, you don’t like this…
why don’t you take a nice hot bath or something?

Meanwhile, just run right out the back door,
get back to the love that is this moment.
It waits for you like the best lover you have ever known,
open, available, ready to give you everything,
if you just show up and allow yourself to be held.

Free

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Suddenly I recognized
I didn’t have to worry anymore,
I didn’t have to struggle anymore,
I didn’t have to prove myself to anyone,
I didn’t have to fight to survive.
Suddenly I realized that peace is here, now.
I didn’t have to change anything,
fix anything,
improve anything,
heal anything,
forgive anything,
understand, analyze, anticipate,
modify, regret, like, dislike,
or hope for anything.
I didn’t have to communicate anything.
Suddenly I realized that this moment
holds the key to everything
and there is nothing lacking.
And for the first time I felt free.

Sometimes Prayers

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In my search to find a home
for myself and my children
I reached out about a rental property
and found out that someone has already applied…
My first reaction was a jolt of anxiety,
and then a selfish hope that they would be denied…
but then I remembered that we live in
a universe of inifinite possibility
and I affirmed that either this or something better
would be available for me and the kids
in divine right timing.
When you reach desperation point
sometimes prayers
are all you have.

Choosing Peace

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We are making hundreds of choices
in every given moment,
although we are moving so quickly
that we barely notice any of them.
The way we breathe,
the way we move,
where we look,
how we speak,
how we think,
what we give our attention to—
just to name a few.
These past few weeks,
rife with uncertainty
and volatility,
I have come to realize
in a deep, visceral way
how much my choices matter
and how conscious I need to be
of what I’m choosing in any given moment.
Sure, I’m supposed to be out
of this house by July 15,
sure I have no idea
where I’ll live,
sure I haven’t even begun packing yet;
sure there are so many unknowns…
If I focus on any of that,
I’ll drive myself into a panic attack
in an instant.
Instead I can choose to see
that in this moment I am safe.
I can choose to condition my nervous system
to really know
that in this moment all is well.
One day at a time
the answers will become clear;
one way or another
I will cross the bridge
from this old place of sad memories
to a newer, better life
for me and my children.
In any given moment,
the choice is clear.
I choose peace.

Sounds Like Sanity

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Understanding
that there are no problems in the present—
only choices, decisions, possibilities—
could I just slow down, breathe,
recognize where I am,
and simply do what needs to be done?
You know what?
I think I’ll try that for a day.
No worrying,
just doing what needs to be done
right in the moment
it needs to be done.
Do you know what that sounds likes to me?
It sounds like sanity.

Relax Already

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This is the third time
I’ve attempted to write this poem.
It just isn’t coming out
as I expected.
I guess this means I’m human,
and I guess it means I’m alive.
Just wondering
when I can ever be satisfied
with myself as I am,
life as it is;
just wondering
when I can drop
the bs perfectionism bit,
and just relax already.

Giving Up Control

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I’ve tried to be in control
for most of my life
and where has it gotten me?
Anxious, resentful,
disappointed, fearful,
competitive,
just negative.
It doesn’t work,
buying into this illusion of control.
So why don’t I try something else?
What if I could simply surrender?
What if I could free up
the inner resources necessary
to really BE in this world
with my whole heart and mind?
What if I could take in
the beauty of this life
and feel gratitude welling up in my heart,
regardless of the weather
or where I live
or with whom I’m spending my time
or what kind of job I have
or clothes I’m wearing
or car I’m driving?
When all of the layers of illusion drop away
I am left with this Self, pure and simple.
This Self knows that there is nothing to control
in the outer world,
nothing that can be given or taken away.
It sits quietly, witnessing the all,
smiling, flowing into this infinite space
of being.