Don’t read this with your mind,
read it with your heart,
because your heart will know that it is true:
There is nothing missing in this moment,
and you are whole and complete as you are.
Don’t listen to your mind respond to what you just read!
You’ve got to hush that thing up, give it a vacation.
Say to your mind,
Yes, dear, I know, you don’t like this…
why don’t you take a nice hot bath or something?
Meanwhile, just run right out the back door,
get back to the love that is this moment.
It waits for you like the best lover you have ever known,
open, available, ready to give you everything,
if you just show up and allow yourself to be held.
Suddenly I recognized
I didn’t have to worry anymore,
I didn’t have to struggle anymore,
I didn’t have to prove myself to anyone,
I didn’t have to fight to survive.
Suddenly I realized that peace is here, now.
I didn’t have to change anything,
understand, analyze, anticipate,
modify, regret, like, dislike,
or hope for anything.
I didn’t have to communicate anything.
Suddenly I realized that this moment
holds the key to everything
and there is nothing lacking.
And for the first time I felt free.
In my search to find a home
for myself and my children
I reached out about a rental property
and found out that someone has already applied…
My first reaction was a jolt of anxiety,
and then a selfish hope that they would be denied…
but then I remembered that we live in
a universe of inifinite possibility
and I affirmed that either this or something better
would be available for me and the kids
in divine right timing.
When you reach desperation point
are all you have.
We are making hundreds of choices
in every given moment,
although we are moving so quickly
that we barely notice any of them.
The way we breathe,
the way we move,
where we look,
how we speak,
how we think,
what we give our attention to—
just to name a few.
These past few weeks,
rife with uncertainty
I have come to realize
in a deep, visceral way
how much my choices matter
and how conscious I need to be
of what I’m choosing in any given moment.
Sure, I’m supposed to be out
of this house by July 15,
sure I have no idea
where I’ll live,
sure I haven’t even begun packing yet;
sure there are so many unknowns…
If I focus on any of that,
I’ll drive myself into a panic attack
in an instant.
Instead I can choose to see
that in this moment I am safe.
I can choose to condition my nervous system
to really know
that in this moment all is well.
One day at a time
the answers will become clear;
one way or another
I will cross the bridge
from this old place of sad memories
to a newer, better life
for me and my children.
In any given moment,
the choice is clear.
I choose peace.
that there are no problems in the present—
only choices, decisions, possibilities—
could I just slow down, breathe,
recognize where I am,
and simply do what needs to be done?
You know what?
I think I’ll try that for a day.
just doing what needs to be done
right in the moment
it needs to be done.
Do you know what that sounds likes to me?
It sounds like sanity.
This is the third time
I’ve attempted to write this poem.
It just isn’t coming out
as I expected.
I guess this means I’m human,
and I guess it means I’m alive.
when I can ever be satisfied
with myself as I am,
life as it is;
when I can drop
the bs perfectionism bit,
and just relax already.
I’ve tried to be in control
for most of my life
and where has it gotten me?
It doesn’t work,
buying into this illusion of control.
So why don’t I try something else?
What if I could simply surrender?
What if I could free up
the inner resources necessary
to really BE in this world
with my whole heart and mind?
What if I could take in
the beauty of this life
and feel gratitude welling up in my heart,
regardless of the weather
or where I live
or with whom I’m spending my time
or what kind of job I have
or clothes I’m wearing
or car I’m driving?
When all of the layers of illusion drop away
I am left with this Self, pure and simple.
This Self knows that there is nothing to control
in the outer world,
nothing that can be given or taken away.
It sits quietly, witnessing the all,
smiling, flowing into this infinite space