I’d like to get to the point
where the average experience
of being alive feels safe and pleasant,
rather than anxiety provoking and heavy.
Breathing, looking around,
really seeing and feeling the truth
that all is well,
my peaceful life isn’t as far
as my mind would have me believe.
Looking out through these eyes
I sometimes forget
that what others see is no less valid
than what appears true to me.
When I get still and look within
I envision a universe
where all truths can coexist
leaving space for
what is true for you
and what is true for me.
No matter what, I’m learning.
I’m learning that beyond duality
there’s a gorgeous realm of seeing
without the labels
of right or wrong
good or bad
male or female.
We could also call it
the realm of being
or the realm of experiencing.
It’s where the mind
that fixates on the past
or projects into the future
doesn’t hold the same sway,
where the living, breathing moment
holds us and relaxes us
to the point that we can open to it and welcome it
like we would an old friend or lover
who knows all there is to know about us
and loves us anyway.
Just when I thought all was lost,
just when I felt defeated
and it looked like all my efforts were in vain,
Grace sweeps in and shows me
that all is well, and to just keep going.
When I’ve been looking through eyes
that cannot see clearly,
it’s time for a new way of seeing.
I cannot anticipate the magic of my future
looking through the lens of my past experiences.
My conditioned mind screams in terror;
it wants to know and understand and be in control.
Grace says, “Shhhh, shhhhhh, just breathe. Get still.”
When I listen to Grace, all is well.
I should keep listening to Grace.
In a different place,
a chance to see who I am
away from what is familiar.
I see that I was wrong
about who I thought I was.
I see that I understood nothing.
All this time,
but thinking I could see.
Is this new sight a delusion as well?
And what if, suddenly,
I let go of who I thought I was,
and made space
to see and feel and know myself
as I am right now?
If I let go of the anger,
the sadness, the blame,
the shame, the grief,
and the regret,
what would be left of me?
If I could stop using my intellect
to operate on reality,
if I could stop using my
past to define my present,
who would I be?
Today, may I be aware
May I walk in this world
as one who can
see with new eyes,
hear with new ears,
and love with a new heart,
free of the prison
of past conditioning.
May I step out of the cage
of my old ideas,
ready to meet this moment
in its purest, most radiant
I was stumbling around in the dark,
bumping and bashing into things,
tripping, falling, bumbling,
wondering why I had no direction…
Then, I got clear,
found the light,
switched it on and SAW.
I made a mess
when I was crashing around blindly,
and now, in my clarity,
I see there are some repairs to be made.
To myself: It really isn’t all your fault.
To my kids: I’m working on being the patient, loving,
kind, compassionate mother you deserve.
To life: I really am grateful for you,
and I’m sorry if I ever appeared otherwise.
To God: Please just tell me, because I am so dense,
where you want me to go, what you want me to do,
what you want me to say, and to whom.
Let me stay awake now.
Let the light keep shining.
The day dawns,
and with it
a new beginning
full of new possibilities.
God, let me open my eyes
to this day.
Let my path be made clear
Let me see what needs to be seen
and let me do what needs to be done.
And when I close my eyes tonight,
let me know that I lived this day
to the fullest.
My mind asks
When will this be over?
I am filled with anxiety
and there is no apparent end
Then Spirit gently reminds me
This isn’t being done to you
this is being done for you
What would it feel like
to surrender myself completely to God?
And how would I go about
surrendering myself so completely?
My faith has alway hit a plateau,
a place where it feels blocked,
Can I reach a little deeper
and trust in the great unfolding?
I can hear the critics sneer.
They talk about delusion,
a lack of accountability,
a lack of responsibility.
But my faith is not complacency,
and I am not a bystander of my life.
When I press on and press through
my own fears,
faith is a great landscape
that I cannot comprehend
but which dazzles and compels me
to keep moving forward.
Maybe I can cultivate faith
in the part of me
that knows faith will help
bring me through this dark night.
Maybe it’s a doorway to God.
Maybe the surrender has already happened
and like a baby,
I’m just now opening my eyes,
seeing the world
for the very first time.