Tag Archives: single mom

Awaken…On Tinder?

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Maybe I should’ve put something like
I’ve lived as a nun for the last three years
on my dating profile…
Maybe it would ward off the men
who think I want to see pictures
of their…ahem…you-know-whats
before I’ve even met them.
I knew there was a reason
I refused to attempt online dating until now!
It’s been 24 hours,
I’ve been graced with the dubious gift
of close up pics
of TWO men’s…(you-know-whats),
and my feminine heart
that yearns for a beautiful, loving man
is disgusted by the crassness,
and the practical single mom in me,
who has only so much time and energy,
says that this online dating stuff
is a serious waste of time.
I mean…
Is it even possible to awaken…on Tinder?

Would Be Miracle

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I can hear it even now,
the voice in my head
saying everything I do is wrong,
nothing I do is right.
It’s an old voice,
an anxious voice.
It’s the meaning I made
when as a child
my broken heart sought reasons
for not receiving the love,
encouragement,
praise
and support
I wanted and deserved.
But there is no blame.
There is this moment
and a brief space of clarity
where I can remember…
If I can hear the voice
and I can repeat what it is saying
then the voice isn’t me…
It’s just a habit. It’s an echo of the past.
My intellect can articulate this clearly,
but my body needs time to catch up.
It feels sad and mopey and droopy today,
like everything is wrong
and nothing is right.
How can I bring the clarity of my intellect
to bear on the traumatized inner child
who waits and waits and waits
for it all to be over,
never realizing
that she is the one who is causing all the torment?
Healing isn’t linear and instantaenous…
it’s multidimensional,
and it takes time.
Now if only I could relax into the process
of awakening and remembering
the truth about myself…
If only I could land in a place
where these painful thoughts
no longer determine the color of my days…
That would be a miracle.

On Hold

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I’d really love to understand
why some people have received their stimulus checks
and I have not.
I want to understand
why some people have received unemployment benefits
and I have not.
It took two months for my tax return to come in,
and others received theirs after two weeks.
I am a single mother and am starting to sweat it,
being in this holding pattern, waiting, waiting
to hear news.
So I am making call after call after call.
And…guess what keeps happening?
I keep getting placed on hold.
Holding pattern, placed on hold,
maybe I just need to be held!
I know complaining won’t help,
so I am asking for your prayers, friends.
Could you please pray that
what is mine arrives swiftly, without delay?
Could you visualize me and my kids flourishing,
with plenty of resources to keep our household going?
Thanks for your help.

Quality Time

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We trekked into the forest today,
my son, my daughter and I,
and I was amazed at how
our outing provided so much
of what my heart was yearning for:
First, to be with my two most favorite people.
Second, to spend time in the green cathedral.
Third, to move slowly, with the wind, breathing.
Fourth, to open my eyes to what Spirit is seeing.
And finally, to feel free in space and time,
soaking in the present moment, grateful,
So grateful.

What A Relief

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Back home after being out of town with the kids for a few days,
and I’m confronted with the reality of my disorganized house
and the clutter of travel. I look back on the last few days
and my mind immediately focuses on what I could’ve done better.
I hope my kids have some happy memories from our time away.
I hope my mind can cut me some slack and allow me to rest tonight.
The kids are with their dad now, and I’ll have some blessed time to…
RELAX
BREATHE
REST
CONTEMPLATE
RECEIVE
and LOVE this moment.
Whew. What a relief.

Drift Into Dreamland

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He must’ve been tired,
because my eight year old said
Can we go to bed?
Can you tuck us in?

And I thought
Yes please go to bed.
Who’ll tuck me in?

And then I got up from where
we were snuggled in reading.
I shivered into my robe,
then tucked my daughter in
after brushing her hair
and scratching her back
and answering some questions.
I tucked my son in,
raining kisses on his forehead,
his cheeks;
he got annoyed.
I remembered that nothing lasts forever,
not even mother’s kisses
that give us angels’ wings
right before we drift into dreamland.

Today’s Poem

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I was really hoping the fog would clear
but the weather was dreary again
and my mind mirrored the soup
I saw out my window.
My patience was thin
my fuse was short
and pretty much everything
felt like too much.
Really, all I wanted to do
was curl into a ball
and sleep the day away,
but someone had to feed the children.
Someone had to make sure they completed their schoolwork.
Someone had to keep the kids off the electronics
Someone had to hear their questions,
and put out their fires,
and divert their attention;
someone had to ask them to step outside
and get some fresh air.
Someone had to make sure that they bathed.
Someone had to tuck them in bed.
Someone had to tuck them back into bed
after removing the iPad from the closet.
That someone was me.
That someone needs to go to bed.

Yesterday’s Poem

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I was too tired last night
to even think about writing.
No wait.
I did think about it…
And that’s as far as I got.
Even the thought
But I haven’t missed a day in a while
wasn’t enough for me to push through the exhaustion
and string a few words together.
Now I grieve the loss of yesterday’s poem.
What would I have written
if I had had the strength to stay awake?

One Step At A Time

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I’m getting excited about possibility…
I don’t want things to go back to “normal,”
that is, what we considered normal before.
Existing inside of that mindset,
I ask myself
What would I want my new normal to look like?
First of all, I’m well-rested
Second, I’m well-nourished
Third, I feel connected to people who love me.
Fourth, I’m earning good income doing what I love!
I’m willing to leave behind
the exhaustion,
the starvation,
the isolation,
the struggle to make ends meet.
And so, existing in this place of possibility,
how do I establish my new normal?
One step at a time.
Just one step at a time.

Such A Beautiful Place

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If I can drop a little deeper
below the surface of the mind
that is always problem-solving
and strategizing,
I arrive at a place where all is well.
Don’t get me wrong,
the world is still the world,
and there is still a Pandemic happening,
there are still bills to be paid
and an ex-husband to negotiate with
and a house to clean
and meals to prepare
and laundry to be done.
There is still a heart that yearns open
for a beautiful partner to share love with.
There is still the feeling of vulnerability
that comes with such deep sharing,
and the fear that I will never be met
the way I long to be met.
There is still the exhaustion one feels
being the only adult in the house
with two very active children
who still don’t know
how to pick up after themselves.
Yes, all of these things still exist,
as I am a human woman
living on this earth.
But if I can drop a little deeper
below the surface of the mind
that is always problem-solving
and strategizing,
I arrive at a place where all is well.
It is such a beautiful place.
And this is why I practice.