Tag Archives: sleep

Better That Way

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I wake up anxious
and it isn’t yet the middle of the night.
Ah, it’s going to be a long one.
Two hours later
and still sleep hasn’t come.
I close my eyes,
I hope and hope for respite.
I look at the time,
each hour crawling by
so slowly it’s painful.
The morning comes finally.
I take my seat,
dive into my practice,
find enough of my Self
to act like everything is okay
when he leaves the house early
without telling me why.
I ask no questions.
It’s better that way.

Dreaming Awake, Just Before Bed

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My fatigue
wraps its hands around me
and pulls me to the land of sleep.
I teeter on the edge
wanting a little more of me
before I succumb
to the storylines of strange dreams.
There was a time
when I was so well-versed
in my own dream patterns
that I had some choice in the matter,
but not now.
Now I am at the mercy
of my subconscious mind
as it winds its way
through the experiences of my day
and chooses what to stretch
and fabricate,
which fears to tease out
and which absurdities
to weave through the fabric
of this self that sleeps and dreams
both day and night.
There is a kind of sleep
that unfolds with eyes open–
And some dreams bypass sleep completely
as we walk around “awake” yet in a trance.

Strange Insomnia

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I have been inflicted
with a strange insomnia of late…
suddenly at 4 I’m awake,
then I meditate.
I’d rather be asleep
but my body wakes me up,
mind spinning, spinning,
weighing every option,
projecting outcomes,
desperately seeking
solutions to every possible
problem that could arise
between here and kingdom come.
My meditation throws the busyness
of my mind into sharp relief,
and the thoughts keep coming,
so many every second.
Post meditation
I try to make the most
of this quiet time,
sipping green tea,
writing in my journal,
but by the time the kids are awake,
I’m ready to lay my head
upon my pillow
and succumb to the fatigue
that has burgeoned in my body
since I first opened my eyes.
Why is this happening?
I want sweet rest,
but apparently my body has
other plans for me.
It’s as if it says,
You’re not allowed to be unconscious.
Make the most of this time,
awaken your whole self–
we’ve got work to do.

How long will it go on like this?
Wish me luck…
deep restful sleep
would be pure bliss.

Tapping In

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Going to bed early tonight…
hoping for a sound sleep.
Exhaustion has crept up on me
and my patience has flown away.
Sometimes I wish life came
with an instruction manual,
but I guess in the end,
there is no right way or wrong way,
it’s just the way I’m taking right now,
and I can learn with every step.
It’s a process of refinement,
of discernment, attunement,
discovering ever subtler
levels of consciousness,
finding the currents of connection,
the threads that run through all of us,
tapping in to what is meaningful,
lasting, helpful, loving, and kind.