We had yet another wintry storm pass through town, and as a result my family and I have enjoyed a cozy day inside together. I was up extra early at 4:30 am, and was amazed at the quality of my morning meditation practice. I barely noticed the passage of time at all and was surprised when the bell rang, signaling the end of the session.
By the time my meditation was complete it was only 5:15 am, the house was still quiet. I calculated that I had about two more hours before anyone else woke up. With all of this time ahead of me, I decided to sit my butt down and compose a post for my other blog; the last time I posted was in November and I figured it was about time.
My other blog is a place to explore the eight-limbed path of yoga; it’s the focus of the website devoted to my yoga teaching, and I refer lots of students there to check out my teaching schedule and delve into yogic philosophy. There I put great pressure on myself to maintain my reputation as a professional, honor the teachings of the great masters as best I can, and write solid content that is informative, engaging, and worthy of being read. And this is why I don’t post there very often. It’s hard to bear up under such pressure. With the inner critic gabbing at me constantly about how my writing isn’t polished enough, how it isn’t worthy of being published, it’s difficult to motivate myself to write anything at all.
I’m so glad I finally got around to creating and maintaining this personal blog! There is still some pressure to write well here, but it’s not nearly as great as the pressure I put upon myself over at lorienyoga.com, where I’m attempting to convey to my students how our yoga practice can assist us on the path to self-realization.
Writing my thoughts out here without fear of what others will think of me has been therapeutic. Just being able to articulate the feelings that seem so overwhelming on the inside can be a great relief, and this relief is felt more deeply when I see those feelings written out in black and white. They don’t seem to hold so much power over me.
I just completed my evening meditation and it felt like such a struggle to stay awake and focus. I really wanted to find stillness, to remember the infinite presence in me, but I was very fidgety and all I kept thinking about was how much I wanted to lie down. But I showed up for practice, I sat for the full thirty minutes, and I’m glad it’s done now.
Time to surrender to sleep. I’m so grateful to have a warm home and a comfortable bed to sleep in. May all beings have comfort and ease of well-being.