Tag Archives: space

Regardless of the Neatness

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I want to get creative.
I want to paint
draw
write
dance
sing
knit
sew
cook
do yoga.
I look around my house.
It’s cluttered, disorganized.
I can’t create with my house like this,
I tell myself.
So I pick up.
Dust.
Vacuum.
Put away.
Organize.
I look around my house again.
It’s beautiful. Neat. Luminous.
But now I’m so damn tired
I no longer have the energy to create!
Maybe I need to learn how to create
regardless of the neatness of my space.

🤔

Gratitude, Day 28 of 48: Pause

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We might feel haunted but what needs to get done.
We might feel driven to achieve success,
and we might believe that we’ll be happy
once we do.
I am one of those people.
I am also fortunate to have teachers, mentors,
guides and wise ones show me a different way.
When I feel haunted by the to do list,
I can pause.
When I think I need to be more successful,
I can pause.
The household chores don’t all have to get done at once.
I don’t need to achieve overnight success.
I don’t have to prove myself to the world.
I can pause to enjoy where I am and who I am right now.
What a relief!

All Is Well

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Your mind is always trying to fix things;
don’t listen to it, it can’t see the whole picture.
Your unconscious wounds are pushing you
to numb out, because feeling feels unsafe;
don’t numb out, we need you here, ALL of you.
There’s another aspect of you, the space of awareness,
bigger than your body, bigger than your mind or your wounds.
It surrounds you; it holds you; it loves you and sees you always.
Stay in that space.
Just let yourself be held.
You’ll feel and know that all truly is well.

Strength to Let Go

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Ok. Brace yourselves.
I’m almost all the way moved in.
Just one or two more CARLOADS.
I mean…how did I accumulate all this stuff?
People are telling me
Just be patient.
You just moved in.
Unpacking takes time.

And I’m thinking
I have way too much stuff.
I hoping that my letting go muscle
will get stronger and stronger
as I go through this.
I took one carload to Goodwill today…
toys, shoes, baby clothes, rugs,
shower curtains, towels…
and a beautiful (expensive) bedspread
that we got as a wedding present…
I looked at it last night and thought,
I couldn’t possibly take a new lover
into my bed with this thing on it.

(I mean, I’ve been celibate for 2.5 years,
but maybe someday there will be
a lover in my midst…)
And so this bedspread had to go.
I keep holding a vision
of myself in a better place
and I look at these objects
and ask if I want to take them with me
into my future.
If it doesn’t fit with my future vision,
I let it go.
I didn’t realize that I had been working so hard
my whole entire life
to arrive in this moment
with enough strength
to simply let go.

Allow

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Back and forth
and back and forth
between the two worlds.
And slowly what was before
is transferred over to what is now.
If I keep taking this stuff with me
wherever I go,
I’ll keep having the same experiences
over and over and over.
I’m ready for something different,
but I need to learn to let go.
I can hear the shaming voice,
the one who blames me,
who tells me I never get anything right.
And then I need to just sit and breathe
and remember,
I can’t get this wrong.
No matter what happens,
life will hold me.
Can I surrender into this infinite embrace,
and just allow what is to be?

To Be Held

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As a teacher I can be in control;
I tell you what to do,
and I expect you to do it.
But when I’m the student,
I get antsy…I want to fiddle with things.
Tonight I was a student
in a breathwork class.
I remembered the necessity of trust
and surrender,
allowing the teacher to hold the space for me.
It felt strange at first,
because I am chronically the one who does the holding.
As I breathed
and the layers of my emotional body were peeled back
to reveal what was percolating underneath it all,
I remembered the saying
How you do anything is how you do everything.
I thought about how LIfe as my teacher
must get so frustrated with me, my fiddling.
Life just wants me to trust and surrender,
allowing the space to be held for me,
allowing myself to be held.