Feeling a little lost today…
it’s probably because
I was up late last night creating.
It’s amazing how the inspiration strikes
and not necessarily when it’s convenient,
and then afterwards
I see how this willingness
to answer the muse
is a sacrifice of sorts.
I give of my time and energy,
and now I have this art.
I have to give to receive.
Can I trust
that what I’m willing to give is enough?
Can I trust
that the light will pour through me
in exactly the way that it’s meant to?
Can I trust
that there are no mistakes,
only opportunities to learn and grow?
There is a struggle
between the old way
and the new,
an attachment to familiarity
and a yearning to break free.
My body is tired
and my mind is weary
but my soul knows
this is the only game in town,
and so it says,
It’s a new day,
and with it comes renewed energy,
and renewed hope.
Can I keep the faith?
A woman said to me yesterday
Faith is spiritualized imagination.
Can I draw from Spirit and my imagination
a scenario that is in the highest and best interests
of everyone, including the one
I continue to blame for my misfortune?
God, give me strength.
Let me see the truth
and move forward with purpose.
I’m back on the east side of the US,
and yet I don’t really feel like I’m home.
Where is home, really?
Who am I really?
Where am I going?
What am I wanting?
What will I do?
What will I create?
Who will I become?
Questions, questions, and still more questions.
I breathe. There are no answers.
As I surrender into the unknown,
I allow myself to believe
that many possibilities are open to me.
And I pray
that Spirit will lead me to take the next step.
Choosing clarity, sobriety,
seeing where it will lead me.
Can I hear God’s voice better today
than I heard it yesterday?
Let this be my measure of success:
That I listen to the promptings of Spirit,
I walk with grace upon this world,
I do nothing that insults my inner being,
but choose only that which will exult
my soul, the world’s soul.
Let my prayers be heard:
I am not just this body;
I am the light of consciousness
shining through this human form.
Let me remember who I really am.
Today I accomplished two of three
big things I had to get done this weekend.
One remains. The biggest one.
I’m leading a four hour training
teaching yoga teachers
how to teach restorative yoga.
I was getting myself geared up
to feel anxious and down on myself
for leaving the prep
until the last moment,
the way we talk to ourselves really matters.
and praise builds us up.
I decided to be nice to myself.
I decided it could be pleasurable
to prepare this training
for those who are attending.
I realized that the procrastination is a habit
and so is the self-recrimination…
and I can choose to change it…
all of it.
I prayed to give my trainees
the tools they need
to add the most value
to their students’ lives.
Spirit whispered in my ear…
and I followed the orders I was given.
I went into my old laptop
and discovered a handout
I prepared years ago
with all the information
I want to share with my trainees tomorrow.
So…I don’t have so much prep to do after all.
Thank god for all miracles, big and small!
A day of pleasure,
from one thing to the next
Breakfast with kids
then long meditation
a walk in the warm autumn woods
sitting and reading by the stream
some preparation to take kids out
for playground and picnic
then ten minutes of restorative yoga
Now, kids about to get off the bus
and I feel calm and happy.
This day is heaven on earth.