The voice clearly said
Bring your guitar and sing them the song.
And she shook her head, thinking, No way.
But the voice repeated
Bring your guitar, and sing them the song.
They went back and forth a few more times,
until she acquiesced.
She brought her guitar, she sang them the song.
And then silence…
So she asked the voice
Why would you have me sing
if they didn’t even acknowledge the song?
And the voice said,
It’s not about them, darling,
It’s about how you relate to yourself
when you step outside your box
and let your voice be heard.
Now, keep singing.
I wake up gently before the sun
and my first thought is
Thank you. Thank you for another day on this planet.
I am excited for the possibilities of this day.
I remember my children will meet their teachers.
I remember I have laundry to do.
I remember that I need to start packing up this house.
I remember that this can all wait
until I sit, and check in with the Source,
the consciousness within me
that spins out all of these perceptions
and weaves them together to create
the experience of a single mother
waking up to greet another day.
If I am right with the One within,
then my day will flow with beauty.
I am grateful for this time.
I remember that although I have a body
I am not simply this body. Or this mind.
Or these circumstances.
I am Spirit, clothed in form,
and the degree to which I can remember
and stay present
is the degree to which my light will shine
to illuminate the form in which I move
and breathe and express,
the degree to which my circumstances
will be illuminated, my choices made clear,
my committment firmed,
my conviction made manifest in action.
And so, first things first.
I wake up, and I sit.
And it is good.
Back from a healing ceremony
where many tears were shed
and songs were sung
and layers upon layers
of old outworn behaviors
and patterns of thinking
were peeled up and released.
I pray that I can stay clear and open.
I recognized in the middle of ceremony
that there is nothing to escape from…
that this desire to get away
is an old survival mechanism
that no longer helps me.
I sat up tall and still
in the middle of extreme discomfort
And I heard Spirit whispering to me
Stop fighting. Just surrender.
Let grace move through you.
Let go. Release. Trust.
It was a long night.
Neural circuitry was being rewired.
Birth can be so painful.
I just wanted to be free
from the grip of my fear
and the stranglehold of my past.
I kept breathing throught this desire for freedom,
kept breathing through my fear,
my doubt, my judgment.
I came to see that no matter what arises
in my experience
it is always here to serve my awakening.
If I can just remember that one thing,
I could maybe, just maybe,
learn to trust in this moment.
when I sit down meditate,
I light a candle
and I invoke the Archangels.
I pray to them to help me
see what needs to be seen
hear what needs to be heard
do what needs to be done
speak what needs to be spoken
release what needs to be released
receive what needs to be received.
Today a human angel showed up
to help me clear some old stuff
from my house
and make room for the new
Already my house and my soul
are breathing easier.
Do you see?
I asked Spirit for guidance
regarding the way
I want to experience
Breathe and smile real big, darling,
breathe and smile real big.
Feeling a little lost today…
it’s probably because
I was up late last night creating.
It’s amazing how the inspiration strikes
and not necessarily when it’s convenient,
and then afterwards
I see how this willingness
to answer the muse
is a sacrifice of sorts.
I give of my time and energy,
and now I have this art.
I have to give to receive.
Can I trust
that what I’m willing to give is enough?
Can I trust
that the light will pour through me
in exactly the way that it’s meant to?
Can I trust
that there are no mistakes,
only opportunities to learn and grow?
There is a struggle
between the old way
and the new,
an attachment to familiarity
and a yearning to break free.
My body is tired
and my mind is weary
but my soul knows
this is the only game in town,
and so it says,