Back from a healing ceremony
where many tears were shed
and songs were sung
and layers upon layers
of old outworn behaviors
and patterns of thinking
were peeled up and released.
I pray that I can stay clear and open.
I recognized in the middle of ceremony
that there is nothing to escape from…
that this desire to get away
is an old survival mechanism
that no longer helps me.
I sat up tall and still
in the middle of extreme discomfort
And I heard Spirit whispering to me
Stop fighting. Just surrender.
Let grace move through you.
Let go. Release. Trust.
It was a long night.
Neural circuitry was being rewired.
Birth can be so painful.
I just wanted to be free
from the grip of my fear
and the stranglehold of my past.
I kept breathing throught this desire for freedom,
kept breathing through my fear,
my doubt, my judgment.
I came to see that no matter what arises
in my experience
it is always here to serve my awakening.
If I can just remember that one thing,
I could maybe, just maybe,
learn to trust in this moment.
There will come a time
when the light that you are
will join again with the light
from which you came.
it is the nature of life
to expand endlessly.
Are you flowing with this tendency,
or are you hindering it?
Are you willing to expand endlessly,
allowing the divine light in you
to be expressed through this form
before the time comes
for you to release this form
back to the earth from which it came?
As much as we hate to think about it,
we will all one day die,
and there is no escaping this truth.
Will you allow yourself full expansion
before you give way to the ultimate
surrender of death?
If you’re wanting to expand
into your fullest self before you die,
then don’t wait!
Nothing is promised;
we only have this one moment.
Call on all your courage,
knowing you will die one day,
and expand NOW.
It doesn’t have to happen all at once,
it simply won’t happen all at once.
Like the transition from winter to spring
this uncovering of the heart
and this healing of the spirit
and this flowing into a new form
and this experience of a new self
Let each one of us trust
our own healing process
and surrender into the ways
life loves us, day by day,
as we transform
just a little bit at a time.
Now it’s the conversation
between the anxious one—
the one who tries so hard to be good
and doesn’t quite believe she’ll ever be good enough,
and the relaxed one—
the one who realizes
it’s all good, and wants the anxious one
to just relax, breathe,
let it go, let life be.
The relaxed one says to the anxious one:
Sweetheart, you’re doing fine.
Close your eyes.
This life is beautiful.
Can you feel it?
I love you.
Can you feel it?
I admire you, respect you, cherish you.
Can you believe it?
And the anxious one replies,
Well…if I could feel and believe all of that,
we wouldn’t be having this conversation,
now would we?
The relaxed one laughs
and gives the anxious one a hug,
and hugs and hugs and hugs
until the anxious one forgets
what she was anxious about.
Sometimes the most important part
of a conversation
has nothing to do with words.
What am I meant to create, to do, to live,
before my body is done with this earthly existence?
I go through each day thinking
I have an infinite number of days remaining,
but no one lives forever.
Whether I have thousands of days left or just a few—
I cannot know my fate.
Would I be happy if tomorrow were my last day?
Would I be able to let go into the final adventure,
knowing that I had loved as much as I could…
or would I die with unresolved stories weighing on my heart?
What I didn’t say,
what I was too distracted to notice,
the gifts I didn’t share,
the love I didn’t express—
all these would hook me in grief
and haunt my parting
with a lonely, desolate, unbearable quality.
lead me to live a life in alignment with my soul.
Guide me to step fully into my destiny,
so that when the moment arrives,
I can embrace my final adventure
with no regrets.
What if I stopped trying so hard to be good,
to stay ahead, to get it right, to get it done?
What if I could just accept
that this life is a process
and I will never be done?
What if I could really feel and know
that I will one day die,
and it might be sooner than I thought,
and then I will simply be gone?
How would I live
if I knew I didn’t have as much time
as I hoped I did?
What if I could wake up in this moment
and recognize that everything,
all of it,
is a gift?
What if I could stop blaming others
for where I am,
take charge of my life,
and step into my full power?
I’ll ask the questions
and have faith that the answers
will reveal themselves
as I am ready to see them.
I could hear this one song playing
in my head all day long
but I couldn’t remember
the artist or the title
or the album art…
I kept reminding myself
to just relax,
I would find it when it was time.
But the music haunted me,
and I kept searching.
I went through so many
And I was struck (again)
by how I deprive myself
of this beautiful present
when I’m searching
for what isn’t there,
what isn’t available,
what isn’t clear,
what isn’t understood.
Finally, I let it go.
I went about my business.
I lived my life.
I read. I ate.
I went to a twelve-step meeting.
I checked in with a friend via telephone.
And then, much later,
I heard the song playing in my mind again.
I searched another playlist,
and within one minute I found it.
And I was struck (again)
at how everything comes to me
in the perfect time and space sequence…
and especially when I just relax
and allow life to unfold.