I’m back on the east side of the US,
and yet I don’t really feel like I’m home.
Where is home, really?
Who am I really?
Where am I going?
What am I wanting?
What will I do?
What will I create?
Who will I become?
Questions, questions, and still more questions.
I breathe. There are no answers.
As I surrender into the unknown,
I allow myself to believe
that many possibilities are open to me.
And I pray
that Spirit will lead me to take the next step.
Ah…I have some time and space to myself
and the presence of mind to feel grateful for it.
The autumn wind blows.
I can hear the windchime just outside my door.
Its ringing says, Now. Now. Now. Now.
A part of me wants to check out and go back to sleep.
A part of me wants to stay awake and be productive.
A part of me knows my body is hungry.
A part of me doesn’t want to bother stopping to eat.
What should I do?
The autumn wind blows.
The wind chime keeps ringing Now. Now. Now. Now.
Maybe I’ll just step outside
and let the wind caress my hair, my face.
I don’t need to think about what’s next;
I can flow through this moment
and appreciate what it offers.
When my mind isn’t cluttered with
what I should do,
I can enjoy life being done through me.
What causes the autumn wind
to rush through the forest
stirring the leaves,
breaking their fragile connection
to the spent moments of yesterday,
that they might flutter down to the earth
and experience new life in their death and decay?
It is in their letting go of the past
that they receive the promise of this new moment.
They cannot hold their form in death;
it melts away and feeds new life,
and this is the way of all things.
In the autumn of your life,
can you turn to look
at how you’ve been nourished by the Tree of Life?
Can you gracefully surrender the diversions of youth,
breaking free of your bonds, fluttering down,
allowing your form to be used by the earth,
making way for the promise of what will come?
I can feel the old me struggling
to regain some footing,
and the new me is just plain tired.
I won’t let the old me win—
the old me needs to die.
Does it sound harsh?
I am no longer available
to live life the way I lived it before.
I know too much now
to go back to sleep.
But how to eliminate the struggle
with the old me
so that the new me
can relax and surrender
into the flow of cosmic synchronicity?
If you can answer that question
I’ll be your best friend!
Help us, God,
help us to let go
and surrender into
Help this one,
this control freak,
she has no control.
Let her breathe and relax.
Help this one,
that he will one day die.
Let him stop and be with his family.
Help this beautiful child
recognize her greatness
and help this precious one
value his many gifts.
Give us strength to become
all we were born to be.
Make us all new in your love.
Show us how to trust in you and your ways.
We’re tired of trying so hard
to figure this out.
We just want to know your rhythm,
your melody and harmony,
your accompaniment, chorus,
verse and refrain.
Thank you God
for helping us…again.
After all of this questioning and soul-searching
I remember brother Rumi talking about
how the quest leads us away
from the object of the quest.
Have I been searching in the wrong places all along?
Or was I led to all of these places
only to force me to see that they were
always pointing me back home?
I’d like to know how surrender works,
Show me, Essence of Life,
how to flow with the present moment
in gratitude and peace.
I was up late last night praying.
I keep thinking about sleeping
but the Divine Mother’s beauty
to think about staying.
I kept asking for a sign,
as I was led into spirals
of thoughts and words
showing me where to look,
on which page and in which book,
to see and feel and know
what to resolve,
what to consider,
what to ponder,
what to surrender,
and how to just to BE in this life
as it is right now.
I woke up at my regular time,
sat in morning meditation.
I could feel her magic
working through me still.
Now I find myself
awake in the dark again,
what she will do with me tonight.
There is nothing left for me to do