Tag Archives: surrender

I Surrender

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I have to work hard to stay clear,
present, awake, open.
When my beautiful children mention going to dinner
to celebrate their dad’s birthday
with the other woman,
when they say her name,
I just want to vomit.
I want to stomp up and down
and scream out
THIS ISN’T FAIR.
But I’m attending two 12 step meetings
every week now,
and I know enough by now
to turn this one over to my Higher Power.
Now God, show me how to contain myself.
Show me how to be an adult.
Show me how to forgive.
Show me what to do with this sadness.
I give up.
I surrender.
Now can you take this pain away?

From This Vantage Point

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As I got caught up in another wave
of disappointment, frustration and
misbelief at his lack of consideration,
a voice whispered to me
There is another way.
Suddenly I zoomed out
and looked in on my life
from another vantage point.
I saw myself trying to control
that which cannot be controlled.
I saw myself operating within
an outworn paradigm.
The voice said
What you are being asked to let go of
is nothing in comparison to what will come
when you make the space to receive it.
From this vantage point
all of my life’s events have unfolded
for my highest good
always, without exception.
From this vantage point,
it’s all good.
From this vantage point
I can feel grateful, peaceful,
at ease.
From this vantage point
I love my life and the woman I’ve become.
I think I’ll stay here and keep viewing my life
from this vantage point.

NaPoWriMo 2018, Day 7: The Artist Responds

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Hmmm…for some reason I keep hoping that these NaPoWriMo prompts will get easier, but they seem to be getting harder, perhaps because of what is happening in my external world.  But anyway, here goes.  Today’s prompt asked us to write a list of all of the identities  with which we associate ourselves, and then divide that list in two more lists, one list of identities that make us feel powerful and another list of identities that make us feel vulnerable.  Then we write a poem in which an identity from one list is speaking to, or contending with, or challenging an identity from the other list.  What a head game.  Luckily I’m always game to play in my head, so, let’s see what happens.

I wrote my list, and artist and critic were both there.  I figure that this a great place to start.

Critic:
Hey! Me here.
Who do you think you are
getting those art supplies out?
You aren’t any good
and no one cares what you
are trying to create.

Artist:
Oh sweetie, there you go again.
Why do you think you need to be good?
This act of creation is just for you….
you don’t need to impress anyone else,
and especially yourself.
Drop the pressure and radiate your light.
Life is your work of art.
Let your genius shine.
You don’t have to try so hard, friend…
Just relax and let your genius shine.

 

Allow the Healing

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There comes a moment
in forgiveness work
when we realize that
there’s nothing left to do
but surrender.
We can try to control the process.
We can try to dig up our own stories
and cleanse our own wounds.
We can see healers,
we can ask for a healing balm,
we can apply it…
but then it’s time to trust
in the healing process.
For just one moment
step away from the story
that you shouldn’t be hurting.
Look at what your pain
has taught you.
Open up to your heart of awareness
and be grateful for what has led you here.
Breathe.
All is as it should be.
Now allow the healing to come.

As I Look Out

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Ah, the paradox of awakening…
the detachment from the desire
for the thing I think
I absolutely need
in order to be happy,
the letting go
of the thing
I want to hold on to
with all of my soul.
The disappearing into nothingness
when some part of me
wants differentiation and connection.
Maybe this path is just about holding
different realities in my consciousness,
Learning and discerning which realities
bring me to the threshold of self-knowing,
and ultimately choosing the experience
I create as I look out
into the world.

What Is To Come

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I awoke this morning
with hope in my heart
and God must have wanted me to meditate
because I was awakened early enough
to sit uninterrupted.
I taught 45 people metta* today
and I am grateful
to have been graced by my teachers
in order to transmit the teaching.
I am a channel of the good medicine
that wants to come through
the vessel of my being.
It brings the deepest joy to my heart
to deliver what will help and heal.
After all these years I’ve learned
that the most beautiful things happen
when I relinquish control.
Therefore I commit to setting aside
the petty protestations of my lesser self
and dissolving into the profound wisdom
of what lies beyond my understanding.
Today, with hope in my heart,
I am excited for what is to come.

 

 

*Lovingkindness meditation