What would happen
if I just let go?
What would happen
if I set down the illusion of control,
and I just let myself be held?
I’ve been praying for guidance,
yearning to yield gracefully
to the flow of life in and through me.
But how does one actually let go?
I can grasp the idea,
but holding a thought
is different from the actual experience
of surrender in my body, heart, mind, spirit self…
I’ll keep breathing and praying,
hoping that eventually I learn
how to simply be…
As a teacher I can be in control;
I tell you what to do,
and I expect you to do it.
But when I’m the student,
I get antsy…I want to fiddle with things.
Tonight I was a student
in a breathwork class.
I remembered the necessity of trust
allowing the teacher to hold the space for me.
It felt strange at first,
because I am chronically the one who does the holding.
As I breathed
and the layers of my emotional body were peeled back
to reveal what was percolating underneath it all,
I remembered the saying
How you do anything is how you do everything.
I thought about how LIfe as my teacher
must get so frustrated with me, my fiddling.
Life just wants me to trust and surrender,
allowing the space to be held for me,
allowing myself to be held.
Don’t read this with your mind,
read it with your heart,
because your heart will know that it is true:
There is nothing missing in this moment,
and you are whole and complete as you are.
Don’t listen to your mind respond to what you just read!
You’ve got to hush that thing up, give it a vacation.
Say to your mind,
Yes, dear, I know, you don’t like this…
why don’t you take a nice hot bath or something?
Meanwhile, just run right out the back door,
get back to the love that is this moment.
It waits for you like the best lover you have ever known,
open, available, ready to give you everything,
if you just show up and allow yourself to be held.
I shared with a group of spiritual sisters
the woes of my housing situation,
facing eviction, facing uncertainty,
not knowing what the next step is…
And they suggested that I simply let go.
Can I just let go?
The idea of moving
strikes terror in my heart,
even after paring my possessions down
as I have been doing the last couple of months.
What am I afraid of?
Why is letting go so hard?
They told me
so much good waits for me
on the other side of my fear.
When I move through my fear,
I’ll see even more clearly
the path ahead.
God, grant me faith
to surrender into this process of letting go,
allowing the old to pass away,
making space to embrace the new.
Back from a healing ceremony
where many tears were shed
and songs were sung
and layers upon layers
of old outworn behaviors
and patterns of thinking
were peeled up and released.
I pray that I can stay clear and open.
I recognized in the middle of ceremony
that there is nothing to escape from…
that this desire to get away
is an old survival mechanism
that no longer helps me.
I sat up tall and still
in the middle of extreme discomfort
And I heard Spirit whispering to me
Stop fighting. Just surrender.
Let grace move through you.
Let go. Release. Trust.
It was a long night.
Neural circuitry was being rewired.
Birth can be so painful.
I just wanted to be free
from the grip of my fear
and the stranglehold of my past.
I kept breathing throught this desire for freedom,
kept breathing through my fear,
my doubt, my judgment.
I came to see that no matter what arises
in my experience
it is always here to serve my awakening.
If I can just remember that one thing,
I could maybe, just maybe,
learn to trust in this moment.
There will come a time
when the light that you are
will join again with the light
from which you came.
it is the nature of life
to expand endlessly.
Are you flowing with this tendency,
or are you hindering it?
Are you willing to expand endlessly,
allowing the divine light in you
to be expressed through this form
before the time comes
for you to release this form
back to the earth from which it came?
As much as we hate to think about it,
we will all one day die,
and there is no escaping this truth.
Will you allow yourself full expansion
before you give way to the ultimate
surrender of death?
If you’re wanting to expand
into your fullest self before you die,
then don’t wait!
Nothing is promised;
we only have this one moment.
Call on all your courage,
knowing you will die one day,
and expand NOW.
It doesn’t have to happen all at once,
it simply won’t happen all at once.
Like the transition from winter to spring
this uncovering of the heart
and this healing of the spirit
and this flowing into a new form
and this experience of a new self
Let each one of us trust
our own healing process
and surrender into the ways
life loves us, day by day,
as we transform
just a little bit at a time.