Awakening to this day,
I realize this is the only day.
Breathing in this moment,
I realize this is the only moment.
Oh glorious freedom!
I don’t need to lament the past
or fear the future,
because past and future are constructs of my mind—
all that exists is NOW,
everything happens in this one beautiful moment.
Let us breathe deeply, together, then—
let us awaken together.
Let us feel this freedom together,
on this day,
in this moment,
breathing this one breath.
My posts have been spotty of late,
and my critical mind wants to lament
and wail about my lack of discipline.
Then the practical adult in me recounts
what I’ve been doing with my days and nights
and counters the critic with
Now just where do you think we’d find the time
to write when we’re not even getting enough time to sleep?
The critic then makes it a bad thing
to change my routine, to have a different schedule.
It’s addicted to feelings of shame, anxiety, and unworthiness.
It’s saying I need to go back to the way things were.
But things aren’t the way they were.
Not even a little.
Things have changed.
I am glad about that.
I am a part of all things,
even though my ego would tell me I am separate.
I have changed too.
I am glad about that.
I don’t need to feel guilty for changing,
for adopting a different routine,
for using my time in different ways.
Therefore, I am glad to write when I can,
and not a minute before.
(Takes a deep breath and lies down on the floor,
looks out the window at a puffy, white cloud floating
in the blue sky, relaxes and sighs.)
Ok, so where to begin?
I recently dodged two bullets
and celebrated my close calls,
having lived through
three years of celibacy
that I’d rather be alone
than share my time
with a man who cannot
and truly see me.
I keep reminding myself to breathe
a little more deeply
to soften my belly
and open my heart
and trust in this moment
My mind wants to learn a new way
where relaxation is the norm.
My body remembers some ancient trauma
that my grandmother’s grandmother’s grandmother remembered
and it needs to be convinced
that it’s safe to relax.
This opening into being has no beginning and no end, only limitless bliss for those
brave enough to walk the path.
May I be blessed with courage to allow Spirit
to express its fullness through me,
serving love in open hearted devotion,
relaxed into the deepest breath of the cosmos.
Something that’s been stumping me
as I’ve considered intimacy
from the depths of prolonged celibacy:
Why do those I ignore want me?
Yet once captured and opened
and giving of my entirety,
why am I suddenly no longer
treated like a precious commodity?
No longer should I be so absorbed
in asking the significance of
Who does or doesn’t do the hunting—
It isn’t me they truly seek…
They want the wanting.
I’m breathing into whatever arises,
and this is my practice right now.
Instead of resisting the stress,
I feel it fully, breathing.
Instead of judging my anger,
I breathe and allow myself to feel.
When I get worried,
I notice the worry, and I breathe
as a single mother
who wants to make sure her kids
have a bright, happy future.
When I’m in a hurry,
instead of criticizing myself,
I breathe fully into the belly
of this woman who thinks
there is never enough time.
Taking ownership of my current experience
and embodying fully this moment
as it presents itself to me,
I see there are no missing pieces.
I see I am, we are, this is all complete.
Opening into spacious awareness,
relaxing open into the moment
as it presents itself,
this is my practice.
I’ve been working on identifying the feeling,
and breathing into the center of it…
then breathing out a willingness to feel.
Not change, fix, analyze, interpret, judge or understand,
but just feel.
I felt called to bring this practice to my students
and have had the privilege to teach
four times already this week.
I am so grateful for this work where
I find something that helps and heals,
and then I get to share it with others.