Tag Archives: teacher training

Somewhere Around 3am

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I awoke in terror
in the middle of the night.
I tried to sleep,
but eventually got up.
It was 3am.
I sat, breathed,
forced myself to smile.
I read from my daily devotionals
(nine in all),
ate some breakfast,
went back to bed.
It was 5am.
Then my son woke me up.
It was 6:30am.
I asked him
to get himself some cereal.
At 7 years old,
he can do that
(thank God).
I tried to sleep.
I did, for a little while.
Then I got up. Again.
It was 8:42am.
I made it through final preparations
for teaching a yoga class
and leading a training.
The sitter came to watch my kids,
I drove to the studio
and found myself
in front of a room full of students.
It was 11:45 am.
I taught my class,
drove to another studio
and found myself
in front of a room full of teachers.
It was 2pm.
I led a four hour training,
drove back home,
took care of my kids,
got them showered,
settled down here at my desk.
It was 8:51pm.
Now I’m feeling crazy.
It’s 9:08 pm.
I have no idea where my mind is.
Probably wandering
somewhere around 3am.

Forever Student

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Today I was a student*,
and I felt so grateful
that for once
I didn’t have to prepare the lesson.
I love it when my only job
is to be open to new learning.
I think I’ll be a student
forever.

*Today was Day 1 of Nikki Myers weekend-long Y12SR training. I am so grateful to spend the next two days with other yoga teachers who are interested in learning about sustainable recovery from addiction, and who want to apply this learning to bring value to countless beings walking the path of recovery.

Looking Forward

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Tonight was the start of my third weekend in my 500 hour yoga teacher training. We have one weekend a month in training, which started in March and will continue until this December.  It’s a big time commitment, and involves some serious rearranging of our schedules, finding someone to provide extra child care, planning meals ahead of time, having the basic flow of the house dialed in so that things go more or less smoothly for everybody.

I’m glad to be branching out, meeting other yoga teachers, spending time as a student.  And, I’m feeling pretty stressed out trying to have everything worked out ahead of time. My body is tired, I got home at 11 tonight, and I have my writing practice and my evening meditation still left to be done.  I look forward to this time by myself, but there is a sense of wistfulness, a feeling that I missed out on spending time with my kids and husband and they’re far away from me now, although I know they’re sleeping not too far off from where I sit.

I won’t digress.  Time for a poem, and then meditation.

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I can’t get everything done.

The laundry, the dishes,
the meals,
the parenting,
the teaching,
the marriage,
the commute,
the learning–

It’s all too much,
and I can’t get it done.

Besides, there’s no end point,
only change.
The laundry I do today
will be gone in a thousand tomorrows.
The dishes we eat on today will disintegrate one day.
After thousands of meals,
my kids will grow up,
and one day I’ll be too old to teach yoga.
My marriage will hopefully evolve
into a comfortable companionship,
a wordless knowing,
a peaceful togetherness,
The commute…won’t be anymore
because I won’t be driving
when I’m too old to teach.

But the learning will never be done.
Now that is something to look forward to.

The Weekend Comes to a Close–and I’m Happy!

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I was gone for most of the weekend for my 500 hour teacher training.  Three hours Friday night, eight hours Saturday, seven hours Sunday.  Today I went straight from Sunday teacher training at Midtown to the studio in Fells Point to teach my 6pm beginner hot vinyasa class.

It was magical.  I learned so much this weekend and I was excited to bring new energy to my students tonight.  One of the main things I focused on was tightening up my dialogue so that the students would have a clearer idea of where they were going, how to find alignment in the poses once they got there, and have the space to just be without me jibber jabbering too much.

One of my teachers this weekend is a young woman who took the 200 hour teacher training with me.  She became a professional yoga teacher within a short time, and has been teaching many classes a week since then.  A few years ago she began training other teachers, helping them to refine their offerings and become more adept at their craft.  I was impressed to see how much she had grown in the seven and a half years since we took our training together; we hadn’t seen a lot of each other during that time and I wasn’t sure what to expect.  I had a little trepidation, afraid that my neuroses would get in the way of me learning from this gal who is younger than I am.  My competitive vein runs deep…my fear of not being as good or as successful even deeper–together they could easily create a huge block to my just looking at this girl, listening, and enjoying being in the same room again after all this time.

Well, I was presently surprised.  In her funny, articulate way, with her disarming smile, I found it easy to listen to her and felt receptive to her ideas and suggestions.  She recommended that we stop demonstrating our poses for our students so that we have more time and energy to devote to really looking at them. Wow. I thought about all of the beginner level classes I teach and the assumption that my students need me to demonstrate or else they’d be lost.  That assumption was blown out of the water tonight when I committed to being very clear in my cues and choosing what I say in relation to what I was seeing my students doing.  No more canned dialogue.  Present moment awareness.  Really looking at my students and noticing if someone needed to make an adjustment, I could give them a short cue and they could handle it themselves.  And I was able to assist more students in their postures so that they could find an alignment that supported optimal breathing and energy flow.  Epiphany: Wow, my students are more capable than I thought they were.  Another epiphany: I’m more capable than I thought I was. Wow.

One of the first things I noticed while teaching the class was that my body was feeling fine the whole time.  No achiness in my hips or shoulders from demonstrating lunges and yoga push ups.  I also felt a much deeper connection to my students, I spoke directly to them, looked them in the eyes.  I connected with them much more than if I had been talking and demonstrating the whole time.

Next teacher training weekend is in April;  I wonder what I’ll learn.  I’m so excited to refine my teaching and bring better quality instruction to my students, to grow into greater potential as someone who assists others in feeling good, being healthy, enjoying the present moment, and knowing how to empower themselves through the practice of yoga.

Here’s another epiphany:  I’m happy!  I’ll say it again:  I’m happy! And one more time:  I’M HAPPY! I’m emphasizing this because I have spent so much time in this blog talking about how depressed I was, and I’m glad for this change.  It’s incredibly refreshing and freeing to acknowledge that I feel happier today than I have felt in a long time.  I’m grateful.  I’m also tired, so I apologize for the terseness.  But maybe it can be enough just to say I’m happy!

Time to meditate and take this tired body off to bed.

Good night!