I’ve always been a sensitive person, wanting to understand myself, my world, who I am, why I’m here. I’m glad I found my way to my journals; I didn’t always have someone readily available to hold space as I explored the contents of my mind. This ability to tune into my thoughts and feelings and put them to words enabled me to also articulate them clearly to another. When I can share who I know myself to be with you, and you can share who you know yourself to be with me, then we create a space for authentic relationship, whether we are friends, family, colleagues or intimate partners. These days I am only interested in authentic connection, with you, with me, with this world. Self-awareness made this connection possible. I am grateful to my teachers who led me to this space of self-exploration through meditation, therapy, contemplation, writing, being. I am grateful to know that my Self is bigger than this woman I am, in this body as it is, with this mind, with this identify. Self-awareness taught me that I am this world, I am you, I am this universe. Only gratitude now, as the self within me reminds me that nothing more needs to be said.
and what a privilege.
never in short supply.
Just look around you;
open your eyes.
taste all these gifts,
Inhale the scent of possibility,
throw your arms open wide
and dance on the edge
of your own becoming.
Look over the edge
into the great abyss of the unknowable; DIVE IN.
There is nothing to fear!
When you take the big leap
you will fly
or you will land in the arms
of the loving divine.
it’s beautiful, it’s perfect,
and it’s what you’ve been waiting for
your whole life.
I notice I’m thinking
and it’s a relief.
Now I’m not caught
in the thought any more.
Now I’m free.
I notice a thought
that could lead to great unhappiness
if I were to believe it.
I choose not to.
With my mind free
of these unhappy thoughts,
it’s clear enough to perceive
how wonderful this moment is.
I look around,
notice I can walk,
notice there is food;
I can hear laughing and talking.
All at once I feel incredibly grateful
for all of the teachers
who have made this moment possible,
who have opened my eyes,
who will open them again
if need be.
May the teachers guide me on this path
that my heart remain open
and my mind clear,
that I remember who I am
and where I’m going,
that only the clearest intentions
motivate me forward,
that my thoughts words and actions
be of benefit to all beings,
that my presence might help
alleviate the suffering of this world.
You don’t have to go looking
for the perfect teachers,
the ones with the right wisdom to wake you up–
they follow you wherever you go.
They are beside you,
in front of you,
circling you always.
Open your eyes and heart and mind,
and see the Teachers, always there.
You cannot escape them,
even if you move into
a new apartment
a marriage annulment.
They remain attached, in sight
even if you put on kingly robes
and make an entire nation crumble
with your might.
The question isn’t Where are my teachers?
but Are my eyes open, my ears?
They are your hopes and fears
your neuroses, your reactivity,
the words you say,
awareness of all of these,
this is what feeds your growth.
How much you open,
how much you awaken
determines what you can learn
in this lifetime of yours.
Do not search for the perfect teachers
out there, somewhere.
The perfect teachers are in you.
Welcome your teachers,
especially the ones whom you’d rather avoid.
That old story about being comfortable,
about staying clear of difficult people–
set it aside for a moment,
and look into the great mirror of being.
Do you need to have others agree with you
to feel confident about your own thinking?
Does everyone have to look the same as you
for you to feel comfortable in your own skin?
Turn and move closer to the disagreeable people.
They have much to teach you
if only you can be willing to listen.