Tag Archives: time

Past and Future

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I can’t know what’s next;
I can only know what’s now.
I’m not sure how
much of me is really here
to look deeply into what is.
I wonder how much of me
is truly available
to receive this present.
I keep practicing.
One day,
I might awaken
to what I already knew
long ago
before the world
taught me
about
past and future.

Somewhere Around 3am

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I awoke in terror
in the middle of the night.
I tried to sleep,
but eventually got up.
It was 3am.
I sat, breathed,
forced myself to smile.
I read from my daily devotionals
(nine in all),
ate some breakfast,
went back to bed.
It was 5am.
Then my son woke me up.
It was 6:30am.
I asked him
to get himself some cereal.
At 7 years old,
he can do that
(thank God).
I tried to sleep.
I did, for a little while.
Then I got up. Again.
It was 8:42am.
I made it through final preparations
for teaching a yoga class
and leading a training.
The sitter came to watch my kids,
I drove to the studio
and found myself
in front of a room full of students.
It was 11:45 am.
I taught my class,
drove to another studio
and found myself
in front of a room full of teachers.
It was 2pm.
I led a four hour training,
drove back home,
took care of my kids,
got them showered,
settled down here at my desk.
It was 8:51pm.
Now I’m feeling crazy.
It’s 9:08 pm.
I have no idea where my mind is.
Probably wandering
somewhere around 3am.

Creativity Takes Time

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Creativity takes time,
and I’m taking mine.
It might appear
to those who want to smear
my good name across the floor
that I’m good for nothing,
and should be doing more.
But I know better.
I’m learning and growing,
and knowing that 99% of the work I’m doing
is invisible—I don’t expect anyone to see me.
I don’t need anyone’s approval.
I don’t care what people think about me.
I’ll take as much time as I need
to process this new information,
and when I’m ready,
I’ll move on.
Creativity takes time,
and I’m working on my greatest
masterpiece yet—
my life.

Only Love, Acceptance and Time

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Woke up sick…
and now
I’m wondering how to be well,
even when I feel like this.
I have my kids,
it’s summer vacation.
Of course
I would’ve preferred
to be a fun energetic mom,
but
you don’t always get what you want.
Can I drop the guilt at the increased TV time for them,
so that I can have increased rest time for me?
I guess I’m going to have to.
Guilt won’t make me well.
Only love, acceptance and time will.

Some Day is Right Now

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Could I simply relax into this moment,
dive off the rigid, wire thin line of “normal”
and just immerse myself in this ocean of being?
I want to know what it’s like to love fully,
to feel content, at peace with myself,
to look out into the world
with eyes of compassion,
to cherish all beings
with the immense heart of the Buddha.
I think all of this will happen some day,
and then I remember,
it all has to happen right now.
And then I realize
Some day IS right now.

Another Wild Ride

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Feel what you’re feeling, they say
Just give it time
You’ll get through this
You’ll be better off
And I hear them
and I know they mean well…
Meanwhile, my heart is breaking
into tinier and tinier pieces,
into dust
and I feel like a ghost.
I take a walk
Am I even there?
Or am I dead among the living?
I search for the meaning
in all of this suffering
I look inside
I see shock, grief, sadness,
fear, anxiety, anger.
I see hope.
I see hunger for better.
I see a woman strong,
longing for the sweet freedom
waiting on the other side.
Feel what you’re feeling.
Surfing the waves of these wild emotions…
I buckle up for another wild ride.