Tag Archives: tired

Nighttime Self-Pity

Standard

I’m feeling crazy and tired.
Kids are whimpering,
arguing,
resisting going to bed.
There is a mountain of laundry
waiting on my bed,
beckoning me
in a way I don’t want to be beckoned.
And their dad
is at a yoga class.
I ask why
he didn’t want to go to yoga
until he wanted a divorce.
Maybe he’ll find
another yoga teacher
to marry.

NaPoWriMo 2017 Day 17: Nocturnesque

Standard

This is when it’s easiest to feel lonely:
when the twilight winds have swept through
and brought a chill to usher out the warmth of day,
when the fatigue has crept into every cell
and settled into my bones, my hands, my brain,
when the light dies before my eyes
and the hiding sun reminds me
that impermanence is the permanent rule,
when I have given all I could
and am asked to give still more,
when the pressure begins to build
and I wonder if I’ll blow it again,
lose my temper again,
feel guilty again,
when it’s easiest to think negative thoughts
and say negative things,
when I think I’m the only one
to feel this way…
this is when it’s clearly time
to go to bed.

 

****************
Today’s NaPoWriMo prompt….

Haiku Just Before Sleep

Standard

Eyelids heavy as marble;
nighttime is seducing me.
It’s time for bed now.

 

******************
I am so tired from two nights of offspring induced sleep deprivation so my practices are abbreviated tonight. I had a very brief sit followed by a very brief post.  I would’ve written something longer, but my eyes were closing with my fingers poised above the keyboard.  I can take a hint.  May all beings find sweet rest and safety in this moment.

This Is My Post for 11/26

Standard

I’m writing this at 1:05 am on 11/27

but this is my post for 11/26,
so read this as if it is yesterday.

My children are STILL giggling in the sofa bed,

refusing to go to sleep.

We are in West Virginia

for a little family vacation.

My husband is asleep;

so is my nephew,

but my two kids are stubbornly 

attached to staying awake,

playing and laughing.

Now my twin sister is instructing 

them to sleep; they quiet,

is NOW the moment when they sleep?

Nope. There they go again.

Just next door my mother, father, 

older sister and her boyfriend are sleeping,

and tomorrow we’ll take a ride 

on the Polar Express.

I love this moment, feeling so tired,

welcoming sleep,

if only my children will let me.

Strange Insomnia

Standard

I have been inflicted
with a strange insomnia of late…
suddenly at 4 I’m awake,
then I meditate.
I’d rather be asleep
but my body wakes me up,
mind spinning, spinning,
weighing every option,
projecting outcomes,
desperately seeking
solutions to every possible
problem that could arise
between here and kingdom come.
My meditation throws the busyness
of my mind into sharp relief,
and the thoughts keep coming,
so many every second.
Post meditation
I try to make the most
of this quiet time,
sipping green tea,
writing in my journal,
but by the time the kids are awake,
I’m ready to lay my head
upon my pillow
and succumb to the fatigue
that has burgeoned in my body
since I first opened my eyes.
Why is this happening?
I want sweet rest,
but apparently my body has
other plans for me.
It’s as if it says,
You’re not allowed to be unconscious.
Make the most of this time,
awaken your whole self–
we’ve got work to do.

How long will it go on like this?
Wish me luck…
deep restful sleep
would be pure bliss.

Dark Thoughts Just Before Bed

Standard

Swirling thoughts
tired body
recipe for dark imaginings.
Should I go to sleep
before I cook any up?
The kids have been asleep for some time now
and I finally have some quiet…
I could write, I could sew,
I could draw, I could knit—
but what good is creative space
when you have no energy to create?
Balance seems like a fantasy
when every day ends with such fatigue.
After a while, hope runs thin,
and thoughts of morning
bring no solace.
Ah, it’s getting darker by the minute.
Maybe I should’ve gone to sleep
before I wrote this.

***********************
Not like my usual poems that include at least a few warm fuzzy bits..but oh well…this is how I feel, and I’m keeping it real.