Tag Archives: transformation

This New Me

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I like this new me
that has gotten up and gone running
every day for a week.
I like this new me
that smiles and laughs
and senses the promise of a better future.
I like this new me
that doesn’t need a man
to make her feel ok.
I like this new me
that trusts she can make
more than enough money to live well.
I trust this new me
to take the necessary steps
to create a good life for herself and her children.
I’ve been through hell,
and now that I am out the other side,
I can see that the best is yet to come.

On My Terms

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Something has changed.
I don’t feel so stuck.
I’ve chosen to stop listening to the old programming,
and replace it with something better.
I have to be vigilant.
If I don’t watch it,
the same old stuff will come cropping up,
fill my consiousness, and make me miserable:
You’re not good enough.
Your life is a mess.
You’ll never be happy.
You’re a failure.

When I start to hear that stuff
(it usually begins the moment I wake up)
I listen to my affirmations app,
or The Quote of the Day Show Podcast,
or I repeat this new mantra out loud:
I am immune to the opinions of others,
positive and negative.
I am neither greater nor lesser than anyone else.
I am fearless in the face of challenges
.
Yes, I am choosing to rigorously reprogram my mind.
Little by little, day by day,
I’m starting to feel okay about myself and my life.
Even if there are some unknowns about my future.
Even if there are some unresolved questions in my heart.
Even if I sometimes mess up…
I choose to live my life as an adventure,
a life that no one has ever lived before.
This is my life.
I choose to live it on my terms.

Inner Safety

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Could it be that when I am diverted
from the course I originally planned,
it is divine intervention?
My neighbor told me once
Rejection is God’s protection.
I’ve remembered this as I’ve experienced rejection
in one form or another, many times
in the past two years.
To make it through this time of uncertainty
I need to learn how to trust,
and not just as a thought in my mind,
but as feeling of trust and safety in my body.
I long for this.
I’ve longed for this since childhood.
If I wait for external conditions to change
I’ll never feel safe.
But if I can change my inner environment
and establish a feeling of safety there,
then my trust will be grounded in my body,
in my own strength, stamina and resilience.
I pray for guidance to transform
into a better version of myself,
so that I become the safety I seek,
the love I seek, the happiness I seek.
May I never again look to someone else
to provide the qualities I must create within myself.

My Mind Is My Friend

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Not sure how or why,
but something shifted,
and today I feel better.
Was it grace? Luck?
The alignment
of the stars in the sky?
I went to be early
but was awakened at 1 am
by my neighbors’
loud conversation outside.
I’ve learned not to fight
sleeplessness,
but to do something
productive with my time.
I got up, sat for an hour,
and ideas began to arrive.
New thoughts.
Inspiration.
How different.
How refreshing!
I went back to sleep
and awoke groggy,
but nonetheless
something was different.
It’s as if a giant reset button
had been pressed…
And today my mind is my friend.

Just Let Go

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I shared with a group of spiritual sisters
the woes of my housing situation,
facing eviction, facing uncertainty,
not knowing what the next step is…
And they suggested that I simply let go.
Can I just let go?
The idea of moving
strikes terror in my heart,
even after paring my possessions down
as I have been doing the last couple of months.
What am I afraid of?
Why is letting go so hard?
They told me
so much good waits for me
on the other side of my fear.
When I move through my fear,
I’ll see even more clearly
the path ahead.
God, grant me faith
to surrender into this process of letting go,
allowing the old to pass away,
making space to embrace the new.

Trust In This Moment

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Back from a healing ceremony
where many tears were shed
and songs were sung
and layers upon layers
of old outworn behaviors
and patterns of thinking
were peeled up and released.
I pray that I can stay clear and open.
I recognized in the middle of ceremony
that there is nothing to escape from…
that this desire to get away
is an old survival mechanism
that no longer helps me.
I sat up tall and still
in the middle of extreme discomfort
And I heard Spirit whispering to me
Stop fighting. Just surrender.
Let grace move through you.
Let go. Release. Trust.

It was a long night.
Neural circuitry was being rewired.
Birth can be so painful.
I just wanted to be free
from the grip of my fear
and the stranglehold of my past.
I kept breathing throught this desire for freedom,
kept breathing through my fear,
my doubt, my judgment.
Finally, finally,
I came to see that no matter what arises
in my experience
it is always here to serve my awakening.
If I can just remember that one thing,
I could maybe, just maybe,
learn to trust in this moment.

Is It Safe?

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In this spacious present
I can relax, breathe,
recognize that everything is ok.
Why has so much of my time been spent
being educated away from what is here?
Can I unlearn enough
to have the space in my mind
to be truly present?
What would I do with such clarity,
such immense and immediate expansion?
Knowing that I could never shrink back
to what I was before,
is it safe to leave behind what is familiar
transform
and face the adventure before me?