I see you. I hear you. You’re going to be ok. I’m proud of you. I love you.
For the longest time I was waiting for someone to speak words of kindness to me, someone besides the therapists I was paying, or the people in my twelve step meetings, or the coach I had hired, or the guided meditations I was listening to… Sometimes I’d speak with a friend on the phone, sometimes a family member, but there were many, many times when I wished for words of kindness but I found myself utterly alone. It finally dawned on me one day that I am the one I’ve been waiting for, and I could speak kindness to myself. I also discovered that self-love isn’t experienced at the level of the intellect; it must be felt. So I began imagining what it would feel like if I could really love, respect, and support myself. I began speaking words of kindness to myself, just to try it out, to hear myself being kind to myself. Slowly, s l o w l y over time I began to feel a change within me. Slowly I began giving myself the same kindness, care and concern I would offer to a good friend. Slowly I felt compassion for myself. Slowly self-love become real.
********************************** If you suffer from feelings of inadequacy, anxiety for the future, or the pain of unmet needs, I highly recommend checking out the work of self-compassion researcher Kristin Neff. Her site includes information about self-compassion and exercises to get you started with a self-compassion practice. There is also a self-compassion test so you can see where you fall on the self-compassion scale!
A girlfriend said, Hey, if we start tomorrow Day 48 will be the start of the Chinese New Year. How amazing is that? I said Let’s do it. So starting tomorrow We will be sharing what we’re grateful for. If you want a boost in your health and happiness levels, you can join us! Warning: Practicing gratitude may lead to better relationships Increased vitality and Deeper Satisfaction with life. You have been warned!
Follow @lorien and @shivati.soulspark on Instagram and tag us in your gratitude posts! We would love it if you would join us to share what you are grateful for. ❤️✨🙏🏻🌈
Something beautiful is happening… I think it might be resilience? Stamina? Endurance? Wisdom gained from experience? But as I found myself caught in my monthly darkness today, instead of falling all the way down into the dark hole of depression and believing my life was never good and never will be good I remembered that this was a temporary darkness, and all I had to do was ride it out. I prayed. I breathed. I reassured the little girl in me who was never allowed to feel sad or angry that I saw her and loved her. It didn’t change the mood. it was still awful and dark and sad, but some part of me knew this was temporary. What can I call this? Empowerment? Evolution? Grace? That has a nice ring to it. I think I’ll call it grace.
For a long time it felt like something was missing. I had been a Mrs. for so long, and now he was gone. There was an empty place in my bed, a hole in my heart, an vacant seat at the table, a void of presence in my life. But slowly, slowly, as time went on, I faced the one inside me who believed I couldn’t make it on my own. I worked hard. Day after day, I recommitted to my healing. I began to enjoy the company I kept in the quiet moments of solitude when I wasn’t working or mothering. It’s Saturday night and I’m alone. The highlight of my evening was a long soak in the tub. I love this moment. I love that nothing is missing. I love that I can feel my wholeness now. I love that I stayed alive for my healing.*
*If you’re reading this with a broken heart, having gone through a loss of a relationship or the loss of a loved one or the loss of something by which you formed your identity, please hang in there. It gets better. There were so many moments during my separation and divorce that the pain was so intense that I really thought I wanted to die. Thankfully I had Twelve Step Meetings, therapy and a few really good friends who helped me stay on this planet. On the other side of that terrible trial, I can look back and see what a gift it was. I am stronger now, and more capable of loving authentically. I have a clearer sense of who I am, and a much better idea of where I want to go and what I need to do to get there. There is hope, friend…hang in there.
When we’ve committed to a path of transcendence, moving beyond old, outworn patterns, and stepping into a more authentic expression of our greater potential, we can expect that from time to time that things will get hard. Things will go wrong. Things will get icky and sticky. It’s Life’s way of asking Do you really mean it? On days like this, instead of trying to be a superhero, trying to be great, even trying to be good, We can just try to put one foot in front of the other. Sometimes, when we’re stuck in a swamp of old, useless thoughts or behaviors one step is really good progress.