The plan was to go to the Renaissance Festival—
my sister, my two children and me.
Then my son got sick and was up all night.
I was up too, cleaning the carpet,
cleaning his face, rubbing his back,
getting him drinks, holding the bin, reassuring him
You won’t feel like this forever.
You’re going to be just fine.
My sister took my daughter to the festival and we stayed home.
It’s twelve hours later and mercifully he’s sleeping.
I’m awake hoping for a restful night to come.
But then it strikes me…
What prayer was answered by my receiving
the honor and the privilege
of time to take care of my sweet boy
in the quiet of our home?
What space was created
in the space of my care for him
and my desire to help him feel better?
What experiences will my sister and daughter have
without me there to pretend I’m in control?
What beautiful experience is yet to blossom
in my heart and mind
now that I can be grateful
no matter what?
I keep asking HOW?
How will I shift this situation?
How will I become autonomous?
How will I find a home?
A new way to live
and provide for my living?
Fear wants to creep in.
It’s slimy and quick
and slips into my mind
because that is what it has always done.
But I decide that it’s time for a new way.
I choose to give more attention to my future
than I give to my past.
I don’t need to be afraid anymore;
I can trust in Life;
it always works out
one way or another.
So many choices in each moment.
What to create?
Is it time to rest?
I choose to sing.
I record my voice and listen.
I like the way it sounds,
so I keep going.
I’m learning something
about creativity and pleasure,
trusting myself in the process.
Remembering life is right now.
I keep questioning,
realizing there are no answers.
Questions are doors and windows
to new possibilities;
my spirit challenges me
Is this faith,
to believe there is more
out there for me
even though I can’t
I summon gratitude,
help me take action.
Help us, God,
help us to let go
and surrender into
Help this one,
this control freak,
she has no control.
Let her breathe and relax.
Help this one,
that he will one day die.
Let him stop and be with his family.
Help this beautiful child
recognize her greatness
and help this precious one
value his many gifts.
Give us strength to become
all we were born to be.
Make us all new in your love.
Show us how to trust in you and your ways.
We’re tired of trying so hard
to figure this out.
We just want to know your rhythm,
your melody and harmony,
your accompaniment, chorus,
verse and refrain.
Thank you God
for helping us…again.
Feeling grateful for where I am
while being clear on where I want to go;
training my mind to accept the possibilities
as they dance around the field of my awareness.
We all have greatness within us
and I’m searching for a way to bring mine forth
so that I can serve in a bigger way.
I always thought I wanted some shaman,
some medicine woman/man, a guru,
a saint, an angel, someone
who could tell me which way to go,
who could know me better than I know myself.
Then I realized
I need to choose my own direction.
I need to craft my path step by step.
There is no one way to do this,
and no one teacher who could steer me right.
Everyone in this world is my teacher,
and as I settle into a calm knowing
that it’s all unfolding perfectly,
I discover that I am the friend
I’ve been looking for.
Thank you, sweet muse,
for visiting me tonight
and shedding light
on my vision.
Thank you for making it fun.
Thank you for breathing me
as the old mind came undone.
Thank you for the new mind,
the mind of creative fulfillment,
the mind of flow, and trust,
the mind of service to the higher good.
Thank you for the mind of health,
the mind of prosperity,
the mind of joy.
Thank you for helping me to see
that it is all possibility now,
everything is available to me,
As I see all of life with this new mind.