Tag Archives: trust

Is It Safe?

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In this spacious present
I can relax, breathe,
recognize that everything is ok.
Why has so much of my time been spent
being educated away from what is here?
Can I unlearn enough
to have the space in my mind
to be truly present?
What would I do with such clarity,
such immense and immediate expansion?
Knowing that I could never shrink back
to what I was before,
is it safe to leave behind what is familiar
transform
and face the adventure before me?

Ideas Are Enough

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I woke up with an idea,
a face in my mind…
It took several minutes
to remember the name
that went with the face.
I reached out to this person for help.
At first I resisted doing this
but then I thought
I’m desperate, afterall,
so what do I have to lose?
I had prayed for new thoughts,
new ideas,
and it would be ungrateful of me
to not follow through
when the ideas finally come.
I haven’t heard back from the person.
Maybe nothing will come of this idea
but more ideas.
But wasn’t every great invention
first an idea?
Every great work of art,
every great performance,
every great experience—
weren’t these all ideas
before they were brought to fruition?
For now, there is nothing to do
but receive these ideas
and take action on them.
For now I will trust this is enough.

Waiting For A Promise

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Watching.
Waiting.
Wanting.
Cultivating patience
(not an easy task.)
Holding a vision.
Embracing discipline.
Trusting.
Asking.
Believing.
And then…
tending to the tenderness,
and breathing into
the gaping open places,
the void that was left
the last time around.
Openness and readiness
are a call for fulfillment,
but not its promise.
I am waiting for that promise.

Just A Little Bit At A Time

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It doesn’t have to happen all at once,
and,
it simply won’t happen all at once.
Like the transition from winter to spring
this uncovering of the heart
and this healing of the spirit
and this flowing into a new form
and this experience of a new self
takes time.
Let each one of us trust
our own healing process
and surrender into the ways
life loves us, day by day,
as we transform
just a little bit at a time.

In the Midst of Chaos

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Where is the balance point
between the effort and the ease?
Where is the grace
that allows forgiveness to find me?
Where is the sweet one
who will coax my heart out of hiding?
Where is the soul nourishment
that will sustain me?
I keep trying, trying, trying.
I’m exhausted from the effort
of teasing apart the jumbled mess
of other people’s perceptions
and finding my true self
concealed somewhere deep within.
Where am I,
who am I,
in the midst of all of this chaos?

A Dream is Enough

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The quote above is from Deida’s book The Way of the Superior Man

After being told for so long
by the one I had pledged to love
that there was something wrong with me,
that I was good for nothing,
lazy, selfish, irresponsible,
and at the cause of all
our collective misfortunes,
it goes without saying
that it feels quite refreshing to be alone.
Without all of the noise,
the criticism, the discouragement,
the manipulation, the control
and—let’s be plain—the abuse,
I can finally begin
to tease apart the threads of the veil
that had been woven around
my eyes, my mind, my body, my heart.
I can finally begin to discern
what is real and true for me,
who I really am.
As I learn to exist in this new reality
and heal my bruises and tend to my wounds,
I feel myself growing stronger, more sure
of the good that surrounds me,
the good within me.
As I connect with and exist inside this good,
I allow myself to dream about what is possible.
I dream about deep, intimate connection
first with myself,
and then, one day, with another.
I dream about a man
who is aware of his presence,
who sees his depth of awareness
as his most valuable asset.
I dream about myself
standing in my power and grace with this man,
who wants to honor me with his strength,
as I honor him with my devotion.
For now it is a dream.
For now, a dream is enough.

Searching

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I could hear this one song playing
in my head all day long
but I couldn’t remember
the artist or the title
or the album art…
nothing.
I kept reminding myself
to just relax,
I would find it when it was time.
But the music haunted me,
and I kept searching.
I went through so many
playlists, scouring…
And I was struck (again)
by how I deprive myself
of this beautiful present
when I’m searching
for what isn’t there,
what isn’t available,
what isn’t clear,
what isn’t understood.
Finally, I let it go.
I went about my business.
I lived my life.
I read. I ate.
I went to a twelve-step meeting.
I checked in with a friend via telephone.
And then, much later,
I heard the song playing in my mind again.
I searched another playlist,
and within one minute I found it.
And I was struck (again)
at how everything comes to me
in the perfect time and space sequence…
and especially when I just relax
and allow life to unfold.