I’ve been practicing this Wim Hof breathing video every day for almost a week… It’s eaten into my music time on my cushion, but now I’m breathing more consciously— and maybe when my breath is strong enough, I will breathe consciously as I play my music. I have been preparing for this moment for so long: Where I feel totally free and at ease, allowing myself to create authentically from my deepest center, letting the love of life, of presence flow from me, radiating harmony into the world.
If I can drop a little deeper below the surface of the mind that is always problem-solving and strategizing, I arrive at a place where all is well. Don’t get me wrong, the world is still the world, and there is still a Pandemic happening, there are still bills to be paid and an ex-husband to negotiate with and a house to clean and meals to prepare and laundry to be done. There is still a heart that yearns open for a beautiful partner to share love with. There is still the feeling of vulnerability that comes with such deep sharing, and the fear that I will never be met the way I long to be met. There is still the exhaustion one feels being the only adult in the house with two very active children who still don’t know how to pick up after themselves. Yes, all of these things still exist, as I am a human woman living on this earth. But if I can drop a little deeper below the surface of the mind that is always problem-solving and strategizing, I arrive at a place where all is well. It is such a beautiful place. And this is why I practice.
I had fun with this one, friends! If you haven’t created a triolet before, try it out. Here’s the NaPoWriMo prompt for the day. And here is my triolet…🌱 🌳💐🌷🌲🌳🌲🌳🌳🌲🍃💐🌷🌳💐🌷🌲🌳🌲🌳🌳🌲🍃💐🌷
A Triolet For A Spring Evening
Because it is dusk and the light is receding I’ll speak my heart quickly and be on my way. I never told you what I was really needing because it is dusk and the light is receding and any words you speak may be misleading… You appear much different in the light of day. Because it is dusk and the light is receding I’ll speak my heart quickly and be on my way.
More insight rather than foresight, and I can feel what needs to be done rather than rendering myself crazed trying to strategize the rest of my life. Breathe. Feel the home you live in, this body, this heart beating. There is so much wisdom here now. The struggle is over; you are free. You can slow down, breathe, relax and enjoy now. All your needs are met instantly, before you even ask. There is more love than you’d ever know what to do with. You are seen and heard and celebrated endlessly for the gifts you bring. You are truly wonderful; a miracle of existence. Don’t worry, your mind doesn’t have to agree in order for it to be true.
I am making peace with my humanness because not to make peace is insanity. I have come to realize that the struggle for survival is over, and so I no longer need to act as if my life is a struggle. To truly love is to be deeply honest and to move and speak and give from that deep core of truth. It’s normal to feel tired when you’re working hard and it’s normal to feel tired when you’re thinking about working hard yet feeling directionless, unsure. It’s ok not to know. It’s ok to make mistakes. It’s ok to be who you really are, without pretense, without the drive to impress. Authenticity is the new sexy.
What if I could experience myself as good enough? What if I could see my life as good enough? What if I saw myself as a good enough mom? What if I really believed I was a good enough teacher, daughter, neighbor, artist, sister, musician, cousin, friend? If I stopped telling the story that there is something wrong with me and started telling a new one called I AM ENOUGH What would happen then? I wonder…
I have this power to choose and I choose freedom. I choose to see how inextricably connected I am with All That Is and to communicate deeply with consciousness as it presents itself in the present moment. I choose to surrender into being to dissolve the illusion of confinement within me so that I can truly experience the ultimate freedom. I let go of my definition of this moment. What arrives is truth, reality, the freedom to be exactly who I am, accepting my humanity, in love with life the way it is…
If I can just get quiet and still and go within and listen I can hear the heartbeat of the Universe. I can feel the deep peace that is my true nature. I can sense the oneness of being that is the truth of existence. Yeah, I should probably just get quiet and still and go within and listen more often.
Jaded, yet plugging along at this thing called daily life. I want so much to be understood by someone who doesn’t charge me an hourly rate. I’m tired of being tired, tired of being grumpy, tired of being overextended. Every day I write what I’m grateful for, I remember how blessed I am, I give thanks. And, I’m waiting for more. I’m waiting for ease, for connection, for direction. Maybe I shouldn’t wait, but who has the energy to leap up, go out, and manifest a whole new life? I’ll just breathe and see if I can reclaim my sanity.