Tag Archives: uncertainty

Ready to Live

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I’m waiting…
for things to get better,
to be clearer,
to be easier.
Then I’m afraid…
because they’re not changing,
or I’m not changing,
and reality keeps reminding me
that waiting for a problem to solve itself
won’t get the problem solved.
What is the proper action to take,
when your whole world falls apart,
and you’re living in a hologram of the past?
I can see everything as it was,
four ghosts sitting around the dinner table,
blurs of movement
out of the corner of my eye
from events that took place years ago.
The reality is,
I’m just by myself tonight,
the house is quiet,
and my two children
are with the man who used to be my husband.
But sometimes it feels like he is still here.
Sometimes I expect my children
to run up to me,
to call out to me,
even though I know they’re not here.
It’s eerie, the way the mind plays tricks.
Help me, Great Spirit,
help me return to what is real.
Let me do what needs to be done.
No more waiting;
I’m ready to live again.



Right About Now

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I’m discovering that
it takes more courage than I thought
to keep going in the face of uncertainty.
A part of me envies
those with established lives:
established work, established relationships,
complete with vacation plans, retirement plans,
and even plots for what remains of them
one day when they’re done with this earthly life…
Another part of me knows
that my spirit would wither and die
if I were made to exist within the confines
of so much familiarity.
Yes, my wild spirit
would not condone all these plans.
So where is the balancing point?
I’m tired of the anxiety that comes
from not knowing where I’m going.
I’m tired of feeling guilty and ashamed
that at this point in my life
I still haven’t “figured it out.”
More questions than answers,
and so easy to blame the one
who pulled the rug out from under
the stability I once enjoyed
as the female parental unit
in our family of four.
Faced with so much uncertainty,
I want to run and hide,
I want to escape…
but from what? From whom?
I realize there is no escape.
I cannot run from myself.
I cannot distance myself
from the one who craves stability
and who at the same time
wants to live wild and free.
How can I bring these warring factions
to rest within the space of awareness?
How can I get them to settle
and engage in some quality peace talks?
Ah, answer me that and I’ll dub you a shaman,
a wise one, a mentor, a guide.
Come to think of it,
seems like I need one of those right about now.

All Is Well

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When it seems like the ground
is crumbling away beneath your feet
and you have nowhere left to stand,
take a deep breath.
All is well.
The mind that thinks it knows what’s best
cannot grasp the enormity of this Universe.
Trying to problem solve
when we are caught
in a loop of neurotic thinking
is insane.
Take a deep breath.
Relax.
All is well.

When the Bottom Drops Out

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When the bottom drops out
you will fall
you might sprout wings
and fly yourself somewhere
then again, you might not
you might go splat
on some hard concrete
then again, you might not
you might land
on the softest of pillows
laughing and bouncing
then again, you might not
someone strong
might reach out and catch you
but maybe not.
the point is,
you don’t know what will happen,
so don’t go trying to plan
the whole thing.
let yourself be comfortable
with not knowing.
This kind of freedom
is a true blessing.

It Never Stops

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There will be pain as well as pleasure,
else how would we know pleasure?
there will be sorrow as well as joy,
else how would we know joy?
And the ups and the downs,
and the victories and the defeats,
and the successes and the failures–
how would we know anything well
if we did not also know its opposite?
The trick is to let go into the uncertainty,
to embrace it,
to become familiar and comfortable
with the feeling
of standing right by the abyss,
not sure which way to go.
To not need life to be a certain way
in order to be happy
is true happiness.
To forge a path
through the very real experiences
of this human existence,
to walk right through them,
to breathe right through them,
to learn from them,
to connect with them…
and ultimately
to gain compassion for those
going through the same experiences as you–
this is the warrior’s path.
Do not ask for a remote control
as you observe
this movie that is your life
so that you can pause in the moments
where everything is going right.
Anything stuck in one place
grows stagnant and stale.
And this is the beauty of life–
like the rivers and oceans
like the sun and the moon
like the seasons
and the cycles of birth and death and rebirth–
it never stops.

We Need the Shadows

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The point isn’t to escape uncertainty,
it isn’t to create security…
everything is changing always,
and therefore nothing is certain,
and nothing is secure.
But learning to deal with our own discomfort–
ah THIS,
this is the path of the warrior.
We use each moment
to come to terms with
what we have been refusing to acknowledge
until now.
As the fear, the anger,
the tenderness, the sadness arise
we can choose…
Do we hold the feeling,
bringing it close to us where it can
shift?
Or do we ignore the feeling,
suppress, hold down…
allowing it to harden,
to block the flow of compassion
from our hearts to the hearts of others?
Let the discomfort in.
Allow yourself to feel.
We need the shadows
to know where the sunlight
shines brightest.

Lose the Cocoon

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Who would I be
without the story of me?
Would I cease to exist
if I no longer had the same list
of words to describe me?
If the rug were pulled out
and I were to come crashing down
what would my world look like then?
The fear of losing what is dear
is the worst kind of hell
So I’ll step out of my shell,
I’ll lose the cocoon
and not a moment too soon.