Tag Archives: understanding

At Least Myself

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I keep asking how I can get myself to a better place
And the inner voice keeps saying
You need to be more fully where you are right now.
It’s so demoralizing to understand concepts like
Self-love, compassion, forgiveness and acceptance
and yet have no idea how to embody them,
no clue how to move from intellectual understanding
to grounded action, authentic experience.
If only I could apply what I have in my head,
I could save the world…
or at least myself.

Choosing Peace

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We are making hundreds of choices
in every given moment,
although we are moving so quickly
that we barely notice any of them.
The way we breathe,
the way we move,
where we look,
how we speak,
how we think,
what we give our attention to—
just to name a few.
These past few weeks,
rife with uncertainty
and volatility,
I have come to realize
in a deep, visceral way
how much my choices matter
and how conscious I need to be
of what I’m choosing in any given moment.
Sure, I’m supposed to be out
of this house by July 15,
sure I have no idea
where I’ll live,
sure I haven’t even begun packing yet;
sure there are so many unknowns…
If I focus on any of that,
I’ll drive myself into a panic attack
in an instant.
Instead I can choose to see
that in this moment I am safe.
I can choose to condition my nervous system
to really know
that in this moment all is well.
One day at a time
the answers will become clear;
one way or another
I will cross the bridge
from this old place of sad memories
to a newer, better life
for me and my children.
In any given moment,
the choice is clear.
I choose peace.

The Most Potent Medicine

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All of a sudden,
I gave myself permission
to be happy,
to heal.
I decided
to learn how to tolerate
feeling good,
to raise my threshold
for success.
I chose
to stop holding myself back,
making excuses.

I had given myself
the most potent medicine there is:

S E L F L O V E

Nothing To Do With Words

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Now it’s the conversation
between the anxious one—
the one who tries so hard to be good
and doesn’t quite believe she’ll ever be good enough,
and the relaxed one—
the one who realizes
it’s all good, and wants the anxious one
to just relax, breathe,
let it go, let life be.
The relaxed one says to the anxious one:
Sweetheart, you’re doing fine.
Just breathe.
Get still.
Close your eyes.
This life is beautiful.
Can you feel it?
I love you.
Can you feel it?
I admire you, respect you, cherish you.
Can you believe it?

And the anxious one replies,
Well…if I could feel and believe all of that,
we wouldn’t be having this conversation,
now would we?

The relaxed one laughs
and gives the anxious one a hug,
and hugs and hugs and hugs
until the anxious one forgets
what she was anxious about.
Sometimes the most important part
of a conversation
has nothing to do with words.

See What Happens

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When you decide to live in the mystery,
nothing is predictable.
One day goes smoothly,
the next full of obstacles.
When you decide to leave the safety of routine
and give your life over to some greater purpose,
only surrender and trust will do.
It is a death of sorts…
familiarity makes way for chaos,
and this is a good thing.
The moment your whole life falls apart,
this is the beginning of your journey
to realizing your fullest destiny.
Take heart;
there are others who have gone before you,
you are not alone.
Take a deep breath,
walk to the edge and jump.
You will grow wings and fly,
you will be caught by some gigantic gentle hands,
or you might be smashed to bits on the rocks below.
Whatever happens, new life awaits…
so don’t wait.
Dive, dive into the mystery,
and see what happens.

Perfect Revelation

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For so long
I have seen my sadness as the enemy,
a sign that something
wasn’t working in my life.
And now, with this new perspective,
I’m being told that my sadness is a friend,
a sign that Life
is working through me
to transform me,
to peel away the excess
and reveal the essence of who I am.
I guess all of my prayers
and my hours of meditation
were really me trying to be good enough
to gain some leverage
and negotiate with God.
What if there were no escape?
What if this was all meant to be,
and what if all the answers
to all my questions
were locked up inside me,
waiting for me to accept
the initiation that will open
my consciousness to their
perfect revelation?