Tag Archives: understanding

Who Needs ‘Em?

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Haven’t I given enough?
Can’t you love me now?
Can’t you accept me now?
Can’t you see how hard I try?
You owe me.
What? You don’t want
the kind of love I want?
What?
You want freedom?
You want lightness
and fun
and excitement?
You want what you want?
Wait. You’re leaving?
You think this is all my fault?
Wait!
We can work this out.
I can admit to my faults.
Can you admit to yours?
Wait, what?
This is all my fault, really?
Yep.
Relationships are so complicated.
Who needs ’em?

NaPoWriMo 2018, Day 10: Deeper At Play

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Today’s prompt is about simultaneity.  I can handle that! I can handle this moment,
even if I do need a nap.

When I’m tired, hungry,
wanting to be held, heard and seen,
and my kids are tired, hungry,
pushing for TV time
and I Just want to be a good mom
and redirect them,
When it’s spring but it still feels like winter…
when I’ve committed to myself
to not be sad about him anymore
and when the sadness comes anyway
and threatens to engulf me,
when I’m tired writing this poem
but too stubborn to miss a day,
That’s how I know
there is something deeper at play here.

Just Ask

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I have this question bouncing around in my mind.
It has something to do with responsibility,
evolution, speciation, becoming, belonging.
It isn’t fully formed.
It’s just the feeling of a question.
And…
I’m not looking for an answer.
I just want to ask the question.
I want to know what it is,
find the words,
and just ask.

The Life That I’m Living

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I keep searching and searching for meaning.
I want to understand.
I think I’ve found something,
and the understanding melts away
to reveal still more questions
a deeper search, an endless journey.
Could I embrace the process of becoming?
Could I stop asking myself to arrive
and instead be content with each small step?
In the infinite realm of possibility
that is this Universe,
there is no end point,
just a constant cycling and recycling
of energy and experiences.
Even death is just another beginning.
So can I let go of the story
that I need some neat, tidy resolution
to the life I’ve lived thus far,
and simply love and embrace
the life I’m living right now?

Time to Trust

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Can I trust?
Can I believe that this is all unfolding
exactly the way it’s supposed to?
What if I don’t?
I will walk around scared, anxious,
unsure, closed down, resentful,
impatient, unsatisfied.
If I trust,
I will walk with grace and dignity.
I will believe in possibility.
I will be open to the grace
that is already there.
I will be at peace.
I will see myself as guided and led
to the one destiny that is mine.
As I look at these options,
I think it’s time to trust.

The Path of Joy

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Maybe I am certifiably nuts,
but hey, I will enjoy this journey.
Otherwise
what’s the point, seriously?
Living this path of joy
you could reach the end
and say with confidence
I LIVED every day of my life!
Or
You could be terrified at the end
full of grief, regret, longing,
seeing so clearly
all that you could have done
or should have done
but chose not to do
because you didn’t see
how absolutely worthy
you were of the deepest joy.
Tell me again,
which do you choose—
The path of regret
or the path of joy?

Soul Fire

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Still searching,
but a little more gently now,
to find the spark
within the spark
that will light
my soul on fire.
Your soul is already on fire.
Your fear thoughts dampen
your experience of it,
but the soul fire cannot be put out.
Trust you are
where you need to be.
Breathe. Relax.
But again
there’s that feeling
that something is wrong,
there is something
I should be doing,
fixing, planning,
organizing.
And then I remember,
these thoughts
will never stop.
I can befriend them,
I can accept them,
I can even love them,
but they’ll never disappear entirely…
and that’s ok.
The warmth
I extend to my
painful thoughts
will light the way back home
to the fire of my soul.