What calls you out of your cave
and into the light of day?
What wakes you up from darkest night
and opens your eyes to the morning light?
What keeps you going
when you want to give up and give in?
What gives you the reason you need
to take one more step, more more breath?
Whatever IT is,
spend some time giving thanks,
so that IT knows you’re grateful.
No matter what, I’m learning.
I’m learning that beyond duality
there’s a gorgeous realm of seeing
without the labels
of right or wrong
good or bad
male or female.
We could also call it
the realm of being
or the realm of experiencing.
It’s where the mind
that fixates on the past
or projects into the future
doesn’t hold the same sway,
where the living, breathing moment
holds us and relaxes us
to the point that we can open to it and welcome it
like we would an old friend or lover
who knows all there is to know about us
and loves us anyway.
I made many, many trips between my old house and my new house today
Loading the Prius with box after box of books,
then fabric, then toys.
The most important things are over there now…
Meditation cushion, singing bowl,
guitar, journal, pens, crystals…
But here we are still, at our old place,
Because the biggest things are here.
Then it occurs to me…actually,
The most important things are not things,
But my beautiful children,
who daily remind me what life is all about.
I’m grateful for the opportunity to be with them tonight…
Knowing that in the in-between place,
We still have each other.
You know, he said,
You really are getting a lot of this right.
And I took this in,
and I wondered why I fixated so
on everything I thought I was doing wrong.
Could it have been the way I was spoken to
during my marriage?
Or was it the way I was spoken to
when I was a child?
I’m thinking both.
I’m thinking what I learned as a child
led me to tolerate
what happened in my marriage.
Now it’s time to heal.
Now it’s time to celebrate who I’ve become.
I’m a human, and I make mistakes,
but you know what?
As a single mom/yoga teacher/meditator/
healer/visionary/creatrix/lover of God
I really am getting a lot of this right.
Just when I thought all was lost,
just when I felt defeated
and it looked like all my efforts were in vain,
Grace sweeps in and shows me
that all is well, and to just keep going.
When I’ve been looking through eyes
that cannot see clearly,
it’s time for a new way of seeing.
I cannot anticipate the magic of my future
looking through the lens of my past experiences.
My conditioned mind screams in terror;
it wants to know and understand and be in control.
Grace says, “Shhhh, shhhhhh, just breathe. Get still.”
When I listen to Grace, all is well.
I should keep listening to Grace.
Who am I?
I won’t answer
Woman, mother, yoga teacher,
hustling to make ends meet…
that’s just the identity
my society has programmed me to see.
Who AM I?
It’s better to ask,
Who am I not?
I am not this or that,
not anything that can be labeled.
The I within me existed
long before the universe sprang into being,
and will continue to last
long after the earth ceases to support life.
I am not young or old,
I am not success or failure.
I am unnameable, timeless,
stillness in motion,
particle and wave both.
I am being and nonbeing,
formlessness within form,
the void inside matter,
the light inside darkness,
birth within death.
I am neither sound nor silence,
neither desire nor the fulfilment of desire.
There is no place that I exist
and there is no place that I do not exist.
In the smallest particle of my self
the Universe finds its center
and spins into being.
I am nothing and everything all at once,
no beginning, no end.
Then the small creature in me says,
Yes, yes, all of this sounds great,
but I still need to sleep.
All day long
I breathe in
I breathe out
most of the time unconsciously.
All day long
my eyes open
my eyes close
All day long
my heart beats—
but I don’t notice,
because I’ve been programmed.
The program tells me
I’ve get to get somewhere
and I’ve been living in this program,
asleep my entire life.
It’s time to wake up,
to ditch the old operating system
and install a new one.
It’s time for an update, an upgrade,
to remove the virus
and declutter the hard drive.
I’m ready to run the new program.
I’m ready to love just being alive.