Tag Archives: waiting

What Question

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What question
is burning in your heart,
searing your mind,
waking you up at night?
Are you willing to feel the question
with every fiber of your being?
Are you willing to live with
your yearning for an answer?
Are you willing to sit with the uncertainty
for as long as it takes,
as many days, weeks, months, years
(lifetimes)
as it will take
to live your way into the answer?
This is the path of the heart-strong warrior.
Are you willing to walk this path?
I must warn you
it doesn’t get easier.
As your practice deepens
so do the questions.
At some point you’ll be holding the entire universe
inside your heart asking yourself,
What did I get myself into now?
You’ll see that you are alone in this question
with no safe place to run or hide
and no one to keep you company,
not even the wind.

Waiting For A Promise

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Watching.
Waiting.
Wanting.
Cultivating patience
(not an easy task.)
Holding a vision.
Embracing discipline.
Trusting.
Asking.
Believing.
And then…
tending to the tenderness,
and breathing into
the gaping open places,
the void that was left
the last time around.
Openness and readiness
are a call for fulfillment,
but not its promise.
I am waiting for that promise.

Ready to Live

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I’m waiting…
for things to get better,
to be clearer,
to be easier.
Then I’m afraid…
because they’re not changing,
or I’m not changing,
and reality keeps reminding me
that waiting for a problem to solve itself
won’t get the problem solved.
What is the proper action to take,
when your whole world falls apart,
and you’re living in a hologram of the past?
I can see everything as it was,
four ghosts sitting around the dinner table,
blurs of movement
out of the corner of my eye
from events that took place years ago.
The reality is,
I’m just by myself tonight,
the house is quiet,
and my two children
are with the man who used to be my husband.
But sometimes it feels like he is still here.
Sometimes I expect my children
to run up to me,
to call out to me,
even though I know they’re not here.
It’s eerie, the way the mind plays tricks.
Help me, Great Spirit,
help me return to what is real.
Let me do what needs to be done.
No more waiting;
I’m ready to live again.



Breathe and Remember

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Waiting.
Waiting to hear back about the interview.
They told me the end of next week.
Today was the end of the week.
Nothing. No word.
No email. No phone call.
I was really good at practicing detachment
all week long…
until this morning arrived.
Then I kept checking my phone
every few minutes.
Luckily I taught yoga twice
and saw a coaching client.
Thank God I had work to keep me busy.
How do I practice detachment here?
Oh. That’s right.
I breathe and remind myself
I have no control here.
I breathe and remind myself
I will be fine either way.
I breathe and remind myself
Everything in my life
is an  opportunity to awaken.
I breathe and remember to be grateful.

No More Waiting

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I was waiting for an apology from him,
an expression of guilt and remorse;
it hasn’t come yet,
and it probably never will.
I was waiting for him to do the right thing,
to acknowledge his role,
to make things right,
but it sure doesn’t look that this will happen either.
I was hoping he’d awaken,
hoping he’d zoom out and look in
and see how his behavior
has been egregiously unfair—
he hasn’t awakened, and my hope
is turning to hopelessness.
The moral is,
focusing on the other
and hoping they will change
(when they don’t want to and aren’t capable)
will only lead to sadness, frustration and despair.
I’ve decided that I’m not going to wait anymore.
I’m going to move forward in autonomy,
thanking him for my freedom.

Live Through It

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Just when I thought I had found
some steady, even ground
I discover that I’ve fallen
into another abyss,
this one deeper than all the others.
There is no end to the sorrow,
no end to the feelings of inadequacy,
the belief that I wasn’t good enough
and this is why he left.
I try so hard to make myself believe
that this will get better.
I reach out to friends.
They say,
Sorry you’re going through this.
It doesn’t help.
I discover that no one can take this pain away.
I guess I just have to live through it somehow.