For the longest time I thought I was incomplete. It felt like there were so many missing pieces. I searched outside of myself for the answers. I recruited men to help me feel complete. I was married for nine years, and one day he said it was over. In my devastation, I found IFS* and parts work. I read the book You Are the One You’ve been Waiting For. I worked really hard, attending Twelve Step Meetings, therapy, EFT tapping, prayer and meditation, reading, writing. Two and a half years later, still celibate, I can finally feel the truth: I am the one I’ve been waiting for. I really can take care of myself emotionally! Every day I am practicing self-love, self-acceptance, self-compassion. If we could all recognize that we are the ones we’ve been waiting for, life would be so much more…peaceful, fun, light, free… May we all discover the gifts within us. May we all come to cherish the beautiful beings that we are. May we come to discover that we are the ones we’ve been waiting for.
Ok, so, I’m moving… And, well, I have a house full of stuff… And, I’ve barely done any packing… And…it’s all ok. I woke up asking What would Life feel like if I didn’t have to be in control? I also asked What would I feel like if I knew my own worth? In the contemplative tradition, these questions stayed deeply with me throughout the day. While I was driving, or tidying, or teaching a yoga class, or fixing dinner, or bringing another car load of stuff to my new home… I kept asking these questions, and as I asked, I simply felt peace. It’s as if something has unlocked inside me, and it’s something that has been waiting for a long time. Could it be my true nature, yearning to express itself, always being pushed into the shadows by the illusions of control and inadequacy? Now, as I contemplate the shadows, it’s as if my eyes can see through the veil to what has been waiting all along: my Self, peaceful, whole and complete.
I love how it doesn’t matter how much I’ve attempted to stay present but failed miserably… I love that no matter how many times my mind hijacked my consciousness with thoughts of the past or thoughts of the future, the present always holds me. I always am here. I always am now. My work is to know this deeply, integrating awareness of the present moment through bodily sensations, through breath, through the intention to be of service. I see the perfection of my journey, how all experiences led me to this moment. All I can feel now… …is gratitude.
As it is, this moment is complete. There are no missing pieces. Are you are, you are complete, There are no missing pieces. As it is, the universe is complete. There are no missing pieces. As we are, our connection is complete. There are no missing pieces.
If healing were easy everyone would be doing it but there is no switch, no magic wand no quick fix. And it doesn’t work to focus on the surface, shining up the exterior while the interior is full of darkness; the light must shine everywhere. Of course, it doesn’t work to replace one extreme with another either. It’s not about eradicating the darkness so that there is only light; we learn through contrast, and the darkness has its place in this great wheel of life. Balance is the key, and acceptance that everything changes. If we could drop the unreasonable expectations and open our hearts to what is alive in this moment, we might discover that the antidote to our pain lives within the pain itself. Our adversity is our greatest teacher.
This day is a huge gift!
How many people who were alive yesterday
didn’t wake up today?
And yet here you are, reading these words—
isn’t it amazing you can look at these symbols
and your precious brain makes meaning of them
in a way that your heart can be touched
or your body may want to move?
At any moment you might breathe deeply
and settle into stillness,
or you may jump up
and run like crazy.
Isn’t it amazing?
Trying to make sense of the chaos
I realize I haven’t breathed deeply
in a while so I
and I take a deep breath in…I
and let it out slowly.
Suddenly, there is no chaos.
Suddenly, it’s only this moment,
all it ever was,
all it ever will be.
Nothing to be added to it
nothing to be taken from it–
whole and complete just as it is.