Tag Archives: will

I Won’t Apologize For Being Human


I won’t apologize for doing my best
to create a life I’m glad to be living.

I won’t apologize for sometimes failing,
being human and everything.

I won’t apologize for breathing
as deeply and as slowly as I can.

I won’t apologize for choosing to live
in a different (much improved) paradigm.

And I won’t apologize for needing help
when I’m not sure how to proceed.

Too Much


What will take away the rage,
the fatigue, the sheer exhaustion?
What will make all of this seem ok,
so that I can get up and do this again
(and again and again and again and again)?
How many days like this
until it won’t be like this anymore?
Tonight, I feel solidarity
will all single parents everywhere
who just want some help,
because it all feels like too much.

A Single Mother’s Prayer


Dear God,
Thank you for this day.
Thank you for waking me up again.
Thank you for giving me strength
to make it through,
even when I’m tired, sick,
and all I want to do is rest.
Thank you for helping me to be
the most loving mom I can be to my kids,
for tending to their needs joyfully, patiently,
and with gratitude that I was blessed with children
(even when sometimes I wish I weren’t!).
Thank you for cleansing my heart
of envy when I see husbands
taking care of their wives
with love in their eyes.
Help me to embrace my loneliness,
so that if it is your will one day,
I might celebrate partnership again.

No Time


We’re born,
we die,
in the blink of an eye.
Might as well enjoy our time here.
Might as well train in
creating and expressing joy
so that this world is a brighter place
for our having passed through here.
Are you willing to take responsibility
for your own experience?
How could you feel empowered otherwise?
Are you willing to wake up
to what is truly yours
and leave me to handle what is truly mine?
If just a few of us did this
we could create heaven on earth in no time…

Losing My Will


The deepest pain,
with no beginning and no end,
inherited and bequeathed
generation to generation,
arrived at my doorstep
packaged neatly—
and I was tricked
into accepting it as mine.
What now?
Trapped in the abyss
so dark I cannot see my hands
reaching ahead of me,
I’m tripping, stumbling,
trying to find one tiny glimmer of hope,
trying to find a reason to keep going.
A prisoner of my mind
I cannot see past the immediate
feeling of suffocation,
cannot feel past the ocean of grief
that keeps pulling me under,
and under again.
The unrelenting waves mock my struggle;
they keep coming and laughing,
knowing that eventually I’ll lose my will to fight.

The Same?


I ask my students to be strong,
to keep their hearts open,
to keep trying even when it’s hard—
can I do the same?
I ask them to breathe deeply,
to not just think about breathing,
but really breathe
can I do the same?
I instruct them in finding a more perfect alignment,
to reach for their strength, their will, their discipline—
can I do the same?
I ask them to relax, let go, surrender,
feel grateful for the nourishment of the earth—
can I do the same?
I ask them for a gentle smile,
a sense of pleasure, of enjoyment,
and especially to love their bodies—
can I do the same?
I ask them to think about leadership,
especially self-leadership,
summoning their courage,
getting out of their comfort bubble,
stepping into their fuller potential,
and providing an example
for others who might look to them—
can I do the same?
I look at this moment as a chance for
co-creation, co-evolution,
communication, collaboration
with anyone who is willing to reach for the light—
will you do the same?

I’m Going In


I’ve been receiving the clear message
from Spirit,
from my intuition,
or maybe from just good common sense
that I need to let go of my old stuff
in order to welcome new experiences
into my life.
I mean,
if my heart is full of the past,
longing for a love that once was,
how can it beat with a new rhythm
for someone ready to share love with me now?
If my eyes see only my past
how can I train them
to look toward my future?
If my body is full of my past,
how can I teach it
to move and dance into a new reality?
I’ve been telling myself
that I was too depressed,
to overwhelmed,
too burdened,
too stressed
to start going through my stuff.
But Spirit has been speaking louder and louder
and now I am finally listening.
I realize that I’ve been scared to look at the piles of things
in my basement,
afraid of the memories they will trigger.
But today I feel strong, ready and willing
to face whatever it is, and clear it out,
so that I can have a new, spacious experience
and welcome what I really want into my life.

We Have A Choice


Whenever I feel despair
hearing about the decisions
the policy makers
are making,
I try to remember
that this a  call to action.
This is a self-defining moment,
an opportunity to proclaim
what really matters to me.
As I make my voice heard
those who hear me
might speak up and speak out
might get up and go out
might look in and find out
what is important to them.
We must live for each other
this is the only way
our precious mother
will survive.
Think of the world
seven generations from now.
I want clean water for them.
I want majestic old trees
and oceans and forests
teeming with life
and a world where
the air is fresh
and the ideas are fresher
guiding us back to
living simply
so that all beings
may simply live.
I will not give in.
I will not accept
the status quo
where just a few profit
and even fewer are in the know.
We must educate, liberate,
extricate ourselves
from bonds placed on us long ago.
Stand up and tell us who you are.
There are more good people
out there who care
than those who could care less.
Express yourself!
We need your voice.
We DO have a choice.

Practice First


I decided to try something different tonight and meditate first.  Often when I come to my blog at the end of the evening, it’s a struggle to just put a few sentences together, and afterwards it’s even more of a struggle to sit still in meditation for thirty minutes, attempting to stay awake.  My body is tired from teaching four yoga classes this weekend, my mind is tired from having little sleep the past six nights. I ended up stopping my meditation early because I was so drowsy I kept losing focus.  I made it through twenty of thirty minutes  though, and that counts for something.

With ten minutes remaining, I opened the laptop and logged in to my blog.  Now here I am.  It seems like the words can flow more easily now that my mind is a little clearer, more spacious.  Even though I felt so drowsy a moment ago, now I feel more alert.  A yoga teacher once said, “Practice, and all else is forthcoming!” I can really feel this now, after making my meditation the priority and attending to it first this evening.  I wanted to save my alertness, the best part of my mind for my practice, and even just twenty minutes have refreshed me somewhat and given me the space to simply be with these words without judgment.

What would happen if I made my practice my priority every evening?  Would my evening posts go more smoothly?  It often feels like I’m struggling to find the right word, but having come from meditation, I sense that there is no right word or wrong word, there are just words, and they point to the essence, the underlying unity of all things.

There is snow in the forecast, and lots of it.  My daughter’s preschool has already been canceled for tomorrow, and I most likely won’t be going in to teach my Monday morning yoga class.  This means I will have a rare, cozy day to spend inside with my family, and right now, this inclement weather seems to be a very precious gift.

As I look forward into the month, I will be spending some time exploring the third step of the Twelve Steps of AA.  The third step is all about turning one’s life and affairs over to the will of God as we understand God. Since I read about this, I’ve thought so much about how much I try to control in my life, and how fruitless and painful this delusional struggle for control can be.  Giving up this illusion, I find the clarity to see my life as it is now, and I have a receptive, open mind that can be led to make decisions for the greatest good of all concerned.

Just for the heck of it, I began today with this idea of “turning it over” to God.  I found myself getting frustrated with other drivers on the road who were pulling dangerous moves, not using their turn signals, dawdling at green lights because they were on their phones.  As I saw myself growing increasingly frustrated, I reminded myself that peace is in this moment, only in this one moment.

I began to say out loud to God, “I turn my anger, rage, resentment, irritation, impatience, and anxiety over to you.  I don’t know how to handle this on my own.  I put this in your hands, that you may show me the way to peace.” I breathed deeply.  I had to keep turning my road rage over to God, because the other drivers kept giving me opportunities to feel irritated, frustrated, annoyed…oh the unsavory words escaping from my mouth!

Then, in the next moment, “God, I turn this anger over to you. I trust that your power will help me to heal. I have tried everything I know how to do, and still I am angry.  Still I react with impatience. God, please show me how to live in alignment with your light and love.”

I turned my marriage, my family, my parenting, my friendships, my work, my creativity, my body, and my mind over to God today.  Every time I felt worried or irked about something, I would turn whatever it was over to God.  The newness of this felt refreshing; it introduced a quality of lightness into the moments where I was challenged by my own negative thinking.  I’m so often trying to mold situations to my liking, and the internal pressure that builds as I push against the things I don’t want becomes profoundly uncomfortable, dark, thick, heavy.  To feel even a little lightness began to ease the pressure I have placed on myself to get it right.  So I kept turning things over, practicing a willingness to let go, if only for a second.  I sense that right now I’m mostly intellectualizing this giving up of control, but over time, with earnest effort, I might actually experience what it is to set down the illusion of control and allow God to show me the way.  I look forward to this grace.

Time for bed.  This mama is tired!