Dear Person who used to be my friend
and is now in the process of attempting
to jeopardize my employment status
at the yoga studio by bringing the quality
of my teaching into question and telling the management
that you are feeling uncomfortable
with the subject matter I’m addressing in my classes:
I’m so sorry things didn’t work out between us.
You told me you were a colleague
having been through yoga teacher training yourself
and so I trusted that it was okay
to go beyond the student/teacher boundary
and explore the realm of friendship.
Oops! I was wrong!
I was wrong about you.
I thought that you were a kind person,
but when I started feeling anxious,
drained and uncomfortable around you,
I decided to back away.
I backed out as gracefully as possible.
But I guess you didn’t like that.
I guess that, like other people I’ve known,
you believe that if I’m not for you
I’m against you.
And now, for some reason,
you are trying to take me down,
and (like other people I’ve known)
you are attempting to recruit other people
to agree with you and join you
and take me down with you.
But here’s something you should know:
I have been to the very center of hell
many, many times
and I have always come back.
You can say what you want,
you can attempt to take me down.
You can even try to bring me to hell with you.
You can attempt to create an entire posse of supporters
to drag me down, to rake my name across the coals,
to convince the world that I’m worthless as a teacher.
If you try hard enough,
you might even be successful
in getting me ousted from my job.
I may have to struggle a little more
because of your childish vendetta.
But you will not win.
I will rise up from hell.
I will find new work.
I will thrive even more.
I will always come back.
Up late getting ready.
Big day. Big weekend.
Today I taught three yoga classes.
Tomorrow I’ll teach three classes,
then I’ll lead a five hour training.
I made eye pillows to give the participants,
as well as training manuals
so that they can take the information with them.
I made a kale and quinoa salad
for our working dinner tomorrow.
All in all, it will be a twelve hour day…
Sunday I’ll teach three more classes.
And somehow, somehow,
I am to find the time and stamina
to PACK MY HOUSE
BECAUSE IT’S TIME TO MOVE.
I decided it’s not time to freak out.
Freaking out is an old, outworn habit,
and it really serves no purpose.
Instead, I’m choosing presence.
I’m showing up inside each moment,
clear on what the moment is calling for,
and doing that.
When it’s time to teach, I’ll teach.
When it’s time to eat, I’ll eat.
When it’s time to pack, I’ll pack.
When it’s time to move, I’ll move.
And when it’s time to rest, I’ll rest.
I am so grateful to have been brought to this simple place,
where I no longer need to chastize myself
for what I didn’t do sooner
In this simple place,
I see what needs to be done,
and I do that.
There is so much peace in the present moment.
Just one step forward,
just one little action.
Write the goal down;
you don’t have to know how.
Just breathe. This doesn’t have to hurt.
Yes, it may take some hard work,
and yes, there might be some setbacks,
but this is life.
Infuse love into everything you do;
and some day (hopefully) far in the future
when it’s time for you to leave this body behind,
you’ll know this world is better
for your having passed by this way.
Perfection is a myth.
Just make a little progress, bit by bit
and it will be a life well-lived.
I’m amazed I’ve been able to keep up this pace,
2-3 yoga classes a day for two months,
but I’m not just doing this for me,
I’m doing it for my kids and for my students too.
I’m doing it for the ripples of peace and goodwill
that flow out into the world
when I make just one person’s day a little brighter.
It’s amazing how I can find the strength to go on,
day after day, feeling tired, feeling wiped out,
feeling like I have nothing left at the end of the day,
and yet, each morning I wake up,
and I’m ready to do it all over again.
This feels like I’m being trained for something even bigger.
This feels like an opportunity to flex
my resilience muscles,
my endurance muscles,
my persistence muscles,
my faith muscles.
A year ago, I felt weak and destroyed,
devastated, betrayed, abandoned…
But now look…
Just look at how strong I am now.
It won’t feel like it’s mine
unless I’ve worked for it,
and so the Universe
is giving me a chance to work.
I can feel my old thinking
crop up sometimes,
when I feel tired in body and mind
and I’m longing for quiet and rest.
Old thoughts come back,
about deserving better,
about wishing it had gone differently,
outraged about circumstances
beyond my control.
But I’ve been practicing.
I’ve been practicing
day after day
I’ve been practicing hard.
And my new thinking
responds to the old
You don’t HAVE to do this,
you GET do to do this.
You aren’t a victim,
you are a powerful woman
who has been given an opportunity
to step into her power
and love herself back to health.
You are a fortunate woman
who has been led to wake up
to the beauty of the present moment
and express her gifts, talents and abilities
in service of all beings.
You are a work in progress,
you’ll never be done,
so keep working, woman,
It’s a blessing to have work I love,
a blessing to have enough of this work
to earn the income I need
to empower myself to move forward.
It’s a blessing to know that the work I do
benefits others, and leaves me feeling
a deep sense of satisfaction and fulfillment.
I GET PAID TO DO WHAT I LOVE…
this is a miracle.
As I dive deeper into my work,
and bring greater value to my clients
and the companies for whom I work,
and as I am told about the positive impact
I’m having on the lives of those I touch,
I am driven to keep going.
This month has been a marathon,
2-3 classes every day, no days off.
My body is tired
and yes, there is a part of me
that would love a vacation…
And yet, to be blessed with work I love,
to have the Universe present me
with this opportunity for gainful employment,
to create independence as a single mother
providing quality life for my children and myself,
this is true success, true wealth, true progress.
And truly, I am grateful.
I was talking with a friend about wealth…
She said that I am far wealthier
than some ultra wealthy people
who have amassed incredible material wealth.
She said that I am far wealthier than they
in terms of my ability to feel happy and fulfilled
and to experience peace in the present moment…
And I got to thinking about my two children,
how bright, and healthy and beautiful they are,
and my yoga and meditation practice,
my work teaching yoga,
the talents God has given me
to write, to draw, to sing, to move
with my heart.
I thought about my bank account,
and although it’s presently modest,
I can feel grateful and proud about
how hard I’ve been working
to achieve financial stability,
several months of sobriety under my belt,
maintaining consistency in my spiritual practice,
gratitude journaling every night,
pausing and appreciating nature in its many forms,
the changes of the seasons,
the fact I can see and hear and smell and taste and touch
this present moment, alive in my body,
alive all around me…
And the connection, the human connection
that my work gives me,
spending time with beloveds who actually
choose me as their teacher,
who come back not because they have to,
but because they want to—
And I realize that yes, yes indeed—
I am ultra wealthy.
I reach the end of the day
feeling deep gratitude
in every cell and fiber
of my tired body.
I gave my all today,
body, heart, mind and spirit.
I touched the lives of my students,
witnessed their transformation,
by the opportunity to bring value
to their lives through my work.
It took me a while
to see that I’m the one
who needs to value what I do
if I want others to see the value.
For so long
I relied on an external validation of my worth.
I’m seeing that
as long as I validate myself,
I don’t need anyone to do it for me.
Gratitude washes over me.
I have no more words.
I’m not sure
I could put into words
how grateful I feel
that I am paid
to help people relax,
and awaken to the present moment.
I LOVE MY JOB
I LOVE MY JOB
I LOVE MY JOB.
When I think about the number of people
who hate their jobs
and who are putting in time
just waiting for the weekend
It really hits me how fortunate I am
to look forward to going into work,
to smile and laugh
and breathe and share,
to know that my life energy
is bringing real benefit
to the students who come to see me
(and their children, spouses, colleagues,
neighbors, pets, etc. etc. etc.)
I go to sleep at night knowing
that the world is a better place
for my being here.
Wow. Wow. Wowie wow wow!
Thank you life.
Thank you for my beautiful, wonderful job.
I finish my day
with the satisfaction of knowing
that I worked and lived and loved
just as much as I possibly could.
I envision an extraordinary life,
which is lived day by
I look back and realize
that every moment was guided,
every moment was a gift.
I look forward and savor
that the best is yet to come.
And I breathe into this now moment,
relaxing into open awareness
simply glad to be alive.