And one day,
all of the searching will be over.
This will be the day
you stop looking outside of yourself.
You will sit down,
close your eyes,
and see that the answers
to your heart’s deepest yearning
were within you all along.
What a beautiful day that will be.
as I read books about sacred intimacy
between the divine masculine and
the divine feminine,
I realize how I resent being unpartnered.
I realize how I never thought
I’d be celibate for two years
at this stage of my life.
I think about my natural urges
as a grown woman,
my need for touch, intimacy, connection,
my desire to share myself with a sensitive, loving partner.
I think about how easy it would be
to create a profile on Tinder
and just hook up with someone.
that is not who I am.
Maybe in my 20’s
casual sex seemed like an okay thing to do,
but not anymore.
In order to experience
what I truly desire:
a profoundly deep connection
and the joy of truly being seen,
heard, held and cherished
within a safe intimate relationship,
I have a lot of work to do.
First on myself
and on the tendencies
that led me into a marriage
with a man who rejected
who I was at my deepest core,
I have to start somewhere
and maybe actually go on a few dates.
UGH. UGH. UGH.
Hi, I’m Lorien.
I’m recently divorced,
I have two young children,
and I’m still healing
from the tremendous pain I experienced
when my ex-husband abandoned me.
I’m not sure I would want me
with that kind of endorsement.
So maybe I’m not ready after all.
So HEY! Just curious. Is there anyone out there who went through a godawful, brutal divorce, healed from it, and managed to go on and meet someone with whom you’re enjoying a safe and healthy relationship? Anyone with kids from a previous marriage who managed to meet someone new and engage in a better, healthier relationship than the one you had with your children’s other parent? I’m all ears. I’d love to hear what worked for you in your healing process and any insights you’d offer to someone like me, who isn’t all that excited at the prospect of dating, but who longs for a safe, intimate partnership with someone sane and healthy—and who has no idea where to begin…
Wanting more out of life
out of myself
out of each day.
Wanting the sun to shine
and the rain to fall
and the stars to shine
and the moon to rise
whenever they damn well please.
And as I allow the weather to be itself
and as I allow the heavenly bodies
to be themselves,
Can I allow me to be myself?
I am a part of this earth.
Could I learn how to love this self
that is me
by loving the planet that is her…more?
I feel crazy lonely with my questions.
I still miss my husband.
I still miss his body, breathing
next to mine.
Is this what it means to be human?