The reasonable voice says Don’t panic. But the panicky part in me panics like never before. So many questions. So much uncertainty. I hear the liquor stores are doing great right now. It makes sense. When faced with so much uncertainty, and you have to stay home, and you’re around your famly for longer stretches of time than usual and you don’t know how to do this… A nice, cold one sounds like a great idea. I’d like to tell everyone to wake up, because that’s my job as a yoga teacher. But I’m unemployed right now, sitting home, alone because my kids are with their dad. I look in my fridge. Virtually empty. Do I risk going to the store? A nice, cold one would be really great right now…
I want to get creative. I want to paint draw write dance sing knit sew cook do yoga. I look around my house. It’s cluttered, disorganized. I can’t create with my house like this, I tell myself. So I pick up. Dust. Vacuum. Put away. Organize. I look around my house again. It’s beautiful. Neat. Luminous. But now I’m so damn tired I no longer have the energy to create! Maybe I need to learn how to create regardless of the neatness of my space.
Full days of mothering, teaching yoga, fitting in morning meditation and evening gratitude, eating healthy, thinking good thoughts and I realize I’d be bored if I had nothing to do. I’d be depressed if I had nothing to do. So all of this to say… I’m tired but happy.
It’s amazing what can happen when you get over yourself and try something new. I made myself get out tonight, even though a part of me just wanted to stay home and feel lonely and depressed. I made myself get out tonight to attend the yoga studio holiday party. I took the staff yoga class, and ate some yummy vegan food; I even won a gift card in a raffle! I sat and ate, and multiple people actually sat down next to me and talked to me! It felt good to connect. It felt good to be out, to be in the presence of kind souls making merry. Yes, it’s amazing what can happen when you get over yourself and try something new.
If I can just get quiet and still and go within and listen I can hear the heartbeat of the Universe. I can feel the deep peace that is my true nature. I can sense the oneness of being that is the truth of existence. Yeah, I should probably just get quiet and still and go within and listen more often.
Don’t panic. Panic won’t help. Just breathe. Breathing will most definitely help. Trust. Trusting will help. But don’t tense up. Tensing up won’t help. Just feel your body softening, opening and relaxing. Softening, opening and relaxing will most definitely help.